Is your W a strong, independent type (mine is). I have wondered if my W's sense of independence/pride is getting in the way of her being the one to reach out to me first. Your W could be the same way.
Yep got me one of those type woman as well. The flip side is it means your wives can think for themselves. They are thinking about your changes, the future, the kids, and what is the right thing to do. Consistent loving action will show her you are a solid good man. Let her know you want her not need her. You can handle it.
Cheers
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
I have a love/hate realtionship with that concept. I was pretty naive and cocky when I showed up here. I remember thinking..."look how long some of these people have been here and how many posts they have. I'll never make it to a hundred posts before I fix things."
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
Consistent loving action will show her you are a solid good man.
One of my quandaries these days is how exactly to do this? For example, Labor Day weekend she is moving out. How much do I "help" with that? How do I act knowing I do agree we need to get some space before anything can help, but I am not thrilled about the whole thing?
I feel like I am showing I want her and don't need her and by showing I am not a mess with her moving out, even to the point of hooking up here wi-fi or assembling a piece of furniture, might help drive that point home. Is it is making me look like a sap, letting her be a cake eater?
H35 W34 S4 | T-10 yrs M-6 yrs WAW said M over 04/09 | Living separate since 09/09 Thread #1 Thread #2 Thread #3
Today was a tough one - went to Ikea to buy a bed since I need one with the WAW moving out soon and taking the current one with her. W was there with me, wondered off in the store while I shopped. Later at home we were sitting down on the couch and started talking, and she said she broke drown and cried at the store. She said this all was getting really hard, and it "wasn't fair" because she never thought all of this would end up as it did.
I told her I understood and even agreed, and that this is the path we are on now and just talking it one step and a time. I think space will be good for us both, and she agreed. This is all so stressful and overwhelming at times, but we'll see what the next phase is like. I am trying to look at SmileyPerson's approach, using the "smile and wave" tactic as much as possible. This is the choice W made, though I don'y hammer that point she knows it and admits to feeling guilt more these days, and she will continue to see the need to see her outcomes of the choices come to light.
H35 W34 S4 | T-10 yrs M-6 yrs WAW said M over 04/09 | Living separate since 09/09 Thread #1 Thread #2 Thread #3
Just keep doing what you are doing. I am sure it is hard right now. You just have to be strong and take comfort in knowing you are doing the right thing.
Interesting, been doign a lot of talking tonight, her the one wanting to, and a lot of it has talk about my feelings and how she thinks I will be happier and I will find out I don't really love her. Seems awfully NOT detached on her part. I stick with the basic - tough times, we both have a lot of thinking to do, etc.
H35 W34 S4 | T-10 yrs M-6 yrs WAW said M over 04/09 | Living separate since 09/09 Thread #1 Thread #2 Thread #3
Sat not so good - Sunday better. I think I am holding up better than she is now. She signed her new lease and moved some stuff out of the house to the new place. Made a comment that she thinks I will be happy and she will realize she is worse off. Interesting...
This is what we are doing. I said this is the path we are on and we'll see where it takes us. I said again we both got a lot to think about and need to get some space and time to do it.
WAW brought up how sad she is about "losing" relationship with my family, which she had in many ways been closer to in the past years than her own. I wanted to just say "hey it is your choice; live with it" but I thought better of that.
She looks at me a lot and talks a lot. Think there is some real hard stuff going on inside there. Good, she needs to own this. I am owning my part just fine.
H35 W34 S4 | T-10 yrs M-6 yrs WAW said M over 04/09 | Living separate since 09/09 Thread #1 Thread #2 Thread #3
