My heart tells me an ultimatum is not the thing to do (and wouldn't want him to come back purely for that reason anyway). I feel better when i distract/GAL/let go, to the extent i can...focus on myself and making me happy. Gucci's advice is very much about GAL, no pressure (and potentially date others, it sounds) which many think on here think is right call for me. It just seems to conflict w advice others are given in similar situation. And no, I am not ready to follow-through such a threat by filing myself, since that is NOT what I want. I do not want the D, so if he insists upon it I think he should do the work (in which case I might make retrouvaille as my last resort, if it gets to that stage, for purely better communication/last resort).
He did tell me few months ago that he was interested in dating others. At the time I said, "while we're married?" (even though we had been separated and living apart for 4 months) and he responded, 'well fine we can get D then...' It is a hard place b/c I don't want to push towards D, but I don't want to be in limbo forever. I've given myself (in my mind) till the end of the year...in the meantime I will focus on self, GAL, and see what else is out there.
I just wanted to clarify since they seem opposite tactics: The "I'm great happy, fine as things are, no pressure" advice Gucci has given me (both for my own self and to appear more attractive to H) and the ultimatum tactic...but no i am not ready to follow-through w ultimatum so I guess I answered my own ? here. At the same time, I do deserve someone who respects and loves me and not acts out. Pearl has said several times do I want someone who treats me like crap? Of course not, but for the vast majority or our marriage H was about as wonderful as a H could be...so it's hard to not think of that side of him when I'm wanting him back. But I know, he is different now.
