Here's my big question: I do NOT initiate R talks. He does EVERY time. Do I need to refuse to talk with him about it?
This is seriously driving me insane. Every day is a big high or low on the roller coaster.
Last weekend he came back from a trip and was REALLY conflicted. It had been my high school reunion and he was sure that I was there giving my phone number to people. He came back and asked me to talk with him awhile and told me that he thought he was doing the right thing and needed to stay away from me. I was so confused after that but really irritated too. He was taking the kids to an awards ceremony that evening and I told him if it would make him uncomfortable I wouldn't go. Turned out I didn't go but my mom and his mom did. They sat with the kids and even though my daughter saved him a seat he chose to sit with the OW instead.
My Mom called and told me about this. I was really upset for the kids and called to talk with them, then talked to him and told him I felt that he was making a conscious choice. He said he was. I didn't talk to him after that.
The next day he calls me and asks if I am healthy. What?!? I told him that was not his business, that I have people to talk to an so does he. He kept badgering me so I hung up on him. Haven't done that for a long time. That evening he comes over, asks to talk to me, hugs me, pours out his heart to me. Tells me he's going to talk with his parents and NOT (specifically) going to the OW. Daughter tried to call him, couldn't reach him, tried parents house, they hadn't seen him. Didn't hear from him until midmorning the next day. Said he had a "meeting" to "sort things out". I said, to talk about your future with OW? He said yes. Was cold and distant again. GRRRR!!! How do I deal with this?
An old friend from high school - who was also a college boyfriend - heard about my situation and has been texting/calling to see how I am doing. He went through the same thing and does have a lot of helpful male perspective. He is single as well and I SO DO NOT want to get into an emotional connection situation. It has been innocent so far but I know how these things can get out of hand. It's almost cliche. But he texted me when my X was right there and it drove him crazy. He instantly wanted to know who it was and how often I talked to him. Was angry that I was texting instead of "being with the kids". Ha, ha, ha-ha-ha-ha.... Seriously. I am amazed by the total lack of insight there.
Yesterday we went to another awards party for the kids and I sat with him in the back - he was very uncomfortable because this was "my" activity with them. He started the R talk again and told me that if we got back together it would just be for the kids and the best he could do was TOLERATE me. Wow. Talk about giving me a great reason not to pursue him.
So, bearsfan, help me out. He is pursuing me to tell me he doesn't want to be with me, or rather that he does want to be with me but doesn't think he should, depending on the day. Should I actively pursue friendship with other men, allowing him to think it might be more? I don't really want to give him another reason to think he shouldn't be with me. But at the same time, it sometimes feels like he just wants me dangling there.
