Well I am ok, stressed as hell and need LOTS of rest, which I was trying to do , then my cell went off again. Another txt from him. Apologizing again and telling me he just "wanted to be left alone" . I didn't react as strongly this time but I havent answered him yet either.
I can't get that picture of him kissing that girl out of my head. Everytime I lay down to rest it pops back in there. God I wish I had never seen it. But on the flip side, at least I know.
I WANT to rip him apart. I want to go over there and slap him silly, i want to scream at him. Im trying to stay calm as i can.
I still don't feel like answering him. I think I am going to wait before I deal with it. i dont know if thats the right thing to do as far as our marriage goes , but I cant afford to spend any energy on it right now. I have a followup on mon and they want to run some tests. Also canceled my physical therapy for now until I gain some strength back. It would be too hard on me and do more damage apparently.
Other than all this I am "ok" i guess. Friends have been stopping by here and thankfully NOT talking about him. I even got a massage from one of them. Helped a BUNCH. So for now, Im going to rest and take care of myself. Try not to cry over him (yea right).
I can't trust him, I cant even trust him enough to talk to him. My dr wouldnt prescribe anything to help me relax, because my heart is still a little weak and it would interfere with my other meds. So I just have to stay caaaalm. Easier said than done tho. He also suggested counseling, so Im looking into that mon.
