For myself, I'm a 'fake til you make it' advocate and I think it matches the DR philosophy from the book. Setting ultimatums, especially when the S is already out of the house as it is in my case and perhaps yours(?) doesn't carry much weight and just pushes them further away, IMHO. More importantly, letting go and just taking care of myself makes me happier. What S would want to come back home to the LBS that said pick me or else. Or else what? Are you really ready to follow through on the 'or else'? If not, think carefully about that one. My two cents.
