I love my dogs. 4am - Old Faithful Dog barks at the back door, I get up to let him out. 4:30am - OFD barks at back door, I get up to let him back in. 4:31am - OFD barks in living room to let me know Surfer Dog is now laying in OFD's spot. 4:32am - I go rearrange the dogs to their proper spots. H mumbles something from the couch. I go back to bed. 4:34am - Surfer Dog moves to lay in the hallway 4:35am - H walks down hallway to use the bathroom and mumbles about black dog laying in dark hallway and can't see him. 4:36am - H stops and looks out window and talks about the clear sky and bright stars. I tell him if he doesn't want to trip over the dog again then just come to bed instead of going back to couch. 4:36 1/2 am - H is in bed with me.
Lately if I've 'read' H right and mentioned to H about sleeping in bed he seems willing to be there. Yet, as much as I want to blurt out something about "just stop the couch crap and sleep in bed like a real H" I clam up instead. Can't quite bring myself to put myself out there again and face rejection again.
Live your life while you are still living. Riding the trail less traveled.
It's county fair time. I didn't even ask H to go with me, cheeseless tunnel, although we used to spend hours walking around hand in hand and socializing. I had a good time on my own but I missed being with the old H. I missed sharing a haystack of onion rings while we looked to see if our entries won any ribbons. I guess the positives are that I could see what I wanted when I wanted. The entertainment was fantastic! I didn't reach out to anyone to go with me or meet me at the fair this year, usually I do. No one reached out to me either. That stings a little. The real sting was coming home and H would hardly take his eyes off the hunting video to say hi. I tried to be chipper and engage him, nothing. I am tired of wanting something simple and getting rejection. I told H this morning that even though he thinks I am despicable and repulsive and I am used to it it still hurts. He said what are you talking about? Then texts me today about fair stuff. How do I break the cycle and get off the merrygoround?
Showing my horse this weekend. If it's a super big show and I beat the pants off of everyone else I could finish a title on my mare but I don't think it will happen. That bites too because it would be within easy reach if I hadn't allowed H to control me with financial fear earlier this year and I missed a show.
Okiedokie, pity party over. Let the weekend rooollll!!!!
Live your life while you are still living. Riding the trail less traveled.
...I was waiting for you to type that H laid in the hallway near the bathroom and the dogs came upstairs to keep you warm under the stars....
FIB
Me 55; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D11) Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10 Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;
Me 53 H 51 OW 25 Bomb may 06 left june 8/ 06 ILYBNILWY (twice!) 7/6/07 H wants to come home 7/21/07 H comes home 7/07 -7/08 long haul letting go of OW now piecing in earnest
