If I understand correctly your H is upset about your involvement with another guy 20 years ago, when you were about 19 or 20, and before you were in a committed relationship with him. Is that correct?
If that is the case, then he is the one with a problem. He needs some counseling or something to deal with that. He's emotionally abusing you over that.
I think you should totally stop defending yourself over that. There is nothing to defend. It sounds like your H has trust & maybe other issues he needs to deal with or that will continue to cause problems. If he won't look into IC and/or MC, then maybe you should see an IC? I think an IC would help give you some perspective; it's hard sometimes to see our own sitch compared to someone else's. Karen
