Hey red, the sh!t really hit the fan this time... I am sitting here today, reading articles about forgiveness and anger management and trying to set a path of how to move on with the less possible damage for me and the kids.
It's not an easy task. Gypsy suggested I pray for sbX, or send good thoughts over to him as a way to fight resentment. I find it hard to sit here, with doors and windows closed, replaying in my head the story and not getting upset about how our love died.
I am having a very hard time realising that all the months he was with me, in this house, with me walking on eggshels, trying to understand, accepting his mood changes, worrying that he was depressed, crying and begging, blaming myself, feeling guilt as hell, he was already long gone and didnt manage to find compassion in his heart for me, to make it easier, to be honest.
There was no way I could have made a difference, he was already so deep in the affair, I was only the obstacle to his happiness...
Last night I went with a friend to the area close to Acropolis. It was a lovely night and the rock was visible, nice colors, lights etc etc. It a great area for walks and that's where I met stxH. I used to work down there as Manager at a restaurant. We passed by the restaurant and one of my former waiters recognised me and hugged me and said "wow, it's been 13 years..." The duration of or relationship. He said "you havent changed" and I was thinking "ohhh, but I have, trust me"... K
