Piecing Friends, Things have settled down again. The sleeping elsewhere has ceased for almost two months.
I see that my last post here was in early March. This year I've done something different (per DB) and decided to make ballroom dancing my own hobby, versus always thinking of lessons and venues in terms of my W. I found a weeknight ballroom venue that I attend regularly, and have begun forming my own network of lady dancers. I found a studio not too far from where I live, and have attended most weeks on Thursday nights. I go to ballroom or West Coast Swing events on the weekends. A studio puts on monthly technique workshops that I attend. I film the combinations and lessons, put them on my computer, and review and practice them at home. I find a kind lady who is willing to let me integrate it into a dance, and eventually incorporate the move.
At this point our dance lives reflect our M, separate with some connection. We dance in separate communities. I haven't been in my W's latin community since January. On occassion, I've asked my W to practice with me, to help master a combination or technique.
Since my W returned from her Puerto Rico trip with her dancing friend, she has been asking me to go with her to her dance venues. She has limited her time with him, as she views him in a different light--immature, unbalanced, irresponsible, unpredictable. He apparently took this trip with her without any money. She had to pay for everything. He had little respect for her money. She wants to go to Puerto Rico with me in January.
In DB, it states that lack of change in a M means that there hasn't been enough change in the relational patterns, or in one of the parties. It's been a year of change for me, so we'll see what happens this time around, now that her one friend is no longer an escape.
I'm not invested in any outcome in the M. I have experienced increased moments of detachment where my happiness is not dependent on any outcome. I am able to live in mystery.
I am practicing boundary-setting. She asked me last night to drive her to her dance venue, so she didn't have to manage parking. I told her no. She had all day to make arrangements for her evening.
CL
CL 53 W 54 M 20 yrs. 03'-09' Separation + Old Patterns + GAL 10-14' Piecing
"The Master allows things to happen. She shapes events as they come."
