But, guy, I'm telling you, this isn't about sex (or lack thereof), and confronting the problem as if it is about sex is only going to keep leading you in circles.
However, she has given you a critical clue. She is feeling 'anxious.' Now why is she feeling anxious. Generally speaking, anxiety is rooted in stress, worry, and fear.
So stress, worry and fear of what? It could be that she feels that once she gives you sex, you are only going to want it more. So she feels that giving it to you once is going to tame the beast for a night, maybe, but then the beast gets bigger, and wants sex more, and that will only lead to more arguments... (this is just a guess on my part based on my own experience, so I could be really off base here).
Ah. Now there is the crux. She feels that no matter what she tries, she is setting herself up for failure and further arguments because she does not truly understand what your needs mean to you. And because you don't seem to understand her anxiety, and you do in fact continue to have arguments about sex, she does not feel understood...
And the two of you have failed to communicate.
Rather than failing again, she'll avoid the whole thing altogether so she does not have to feel stressed, worried and fearful. Which in turn makes you nuts.
You said yourself you do not understand why she feels anxious, because to you, the answer is simple. But your answer for her anxiousness is not her answer... so she continues to feel misunderstood and frustrated.
The two of you are putting so much of your energy into making your point to the other that you have no energy left to understand the information that is coming your way.
Do you see now how this is a communication problem and not an issue of sex (even though I know that's what it feels like to you.) I know guy, you are so horny right now you just want to get laid and I really do understand that.
The crux, though, is that she could come to you tonight and the two of you could have the best sex on the planet, but you have only addressed a symptom, you have not fixed the underlying problem. Though you may be temporarily sated, this issue IS going to come up again. And again. And again, until the two of you decide to do the work necessary to understand your own and each other's needs.
