WAW - Very confused and devastated - pt 11

[MrBond]

"I was very hurt "

Definitely take this part out. Do not tell her how "hurt" you feel. Tell her you do not appreciate being disrespected in front of your children. Take the position of power. Say things like, I do not appreciate, or it is disrespectful of you, things like that.

Keep the emotions out of it. Don't sink to her level.

When she called to talk, you shouldn't have even mentioned that she could email. Do not acknowledge her at all. Let her sweat it out. These are the results of her actions. Even after all this, you still give her too much respect in responding.

[sandi2]

I sent her a text saying I couldn't talk as I was with the boys and asked her to send me an email letting me know what she wanted to talk about.

Stop setting traps for yourself by getting into a R talk with your W. You still don't see this--but you will naturally get into a fight! Stay away from talking over the phone and even by email. I do not understand why your lawyer would have you send her an email. Did he explain?

[confusedinpa]

My lawyer said that I should send an email or text so to avoid a confrontation as well as document the issue.

OK - how about this:

When I picked up the boys on Thurs, they told me they were upset when they were told that I was doing bad things. Our 7 year said he was sad when he heard that from you and our 3 year said he was mad. Our 7 year said he did not believe what you said was true but did not want to say anything to you as he was afraid you would be mean to him

Your adultery goes against the commitment we made to each other. The damage that your infidelity has brought upon us and our boys is already done, I do not appreciate you adding to their pain and suffering. I continue to honor my promise to protect them to the best of my ability, I would expect that you will be able to do the same and do not try to alienate the children from me.

Any thoughts?

[confusedinpa]

Just continuing my journaling

Good day with my boys - bug surprise :-)

It was rainy so we spent the morning inside. It was nice as we haven't been home in 2 weeks (we were in CT last weekend). It was a relaxing morning as we had a Knex building marathon. Then my phone OS crashed - damn windows mobile. I went I the store to get it switched out but it took 3 hours. Even with a new one (lost all my text and other saved files/pics) still wasn't working right - I could just do text and pick up VM. Left pissed off with a promise a trouble ticket would be entered.

My boys did a good job until it was about 2 hours past my 3 year old nap. I would have stayed to bitch them out but didn't want to put my boys through that

Got home to put him to nap and played video games with my 7 year old. We talked a little about how he was sad when she said bad things about me. I told him I would ask her to stop.

The rain stopped long enough when my 3 year old woke up to play baseball outside. We played for about an hour before we had to stop to shop for dinner. While we were out I got a message that my cell service got fixed (which was food since this is my only phone). We went to the groceries store to get our food for the next couple of days. The boys wanted sloppy joes for dinner so that's what I made
The boys tried to call her after dinner but she didn't answer. My 7 year old was really sad and hurt. My 3 year old didn't care as he didn't want to talk to her anyway.
That was a downer moment but I isn't let my 7 year old linger on it. We had dessert and then played some more.

We watched a show and the boys fought to sit on my lap. It was nice until myb3 year old started kicking his brother. I broke it up and we finished watching our show.

They went to bed and she never called them back. I sent her an email asking her to call them as they were disappointed she didn't answer. I never got a reply

I don't care what she is doing and who she us doing it with. I'm am focusing on protecting me and the boys.

[sandi2]

I suppose it is just the way I see it, but I don't think you should email her to call the boys. I realize you don't like seeing them disappointed but I feel that you should not do this. However, you should document when she doesn't call them or show up at the games, etc. Does your son ask to call her or do you say something to them first? Your S7 must be a very sensitive child b/c a lot of kids would be so caught up in playing and enjoying their time with dad that they probably wouldn't get that disappointed over missing a call from their mom. Especially considering how upset he was about the things she was saying. Anyway, I know it makes it hard on both of you. I just wish that there was no communication with her while you had the boys. Has your lawyer suggested anything about that?

[confusedinpa]

My 7 year old is very sensitive. He was diaappointed thy when he tried to call she didn't answer. He had stopped wanting to call for a while as she rarely answered. Since I confronted her about her affairs, she had been calling every nite I had them. Until tonite. Not sure if she is out with another guy. I don't care for me anymore. I just don't want my boys hurt because of her nonsense

Guess my 7 year old thought for the last 2 weeks she had called/answered it was safe to take the chance again.

I don't want to press her to not to contact the boys when I have them as I want to be able to call or skype the boys when she has them.

The crazy part is that I've finally gotten to the detachment everyone had been beating me up about. Unfortunately, I/we never had a chance to recover from her bomb in Jan.

I don't care for me anymore. I just need to protect my boys from any more hurt.

[Tomato]

hey bro'

glad to hear you are having your usual great weekend with the boys.

On the subject of the email/text contents, I particularly do not like the inclusion of the first sentence of the second paragraph which starts, "Your adultery goes against ...." Don't think that needs to be in there at all.

Actually it doesn't sit well with me for you to be sending her anything. I just think that when you weigh it out, what do you stand to gain from sending her anything. Not like you can change her behavior/conduct, cuz we both know that you can't. And the other interesting part about this whole thing is that while it is really F'd up for her to be saying crap about you in front of the boys, they certainly seem to be able to see right through her BS. Of course, not that kids as young as your's should be having to go through that. IMO so far, it was an isolated incident as far as I can tell (unless you have other info that would refute this)of her bad-mouthing you and making sure that the boys overheard it. Do not give her the satisfaction of responding to the crap she is pulling. Perhaps by not giving her that attention, the behavior will dry up and cease. In any case, unless there is more to it then I am aware of I would refrain from letting it be known that you have discovered this has ocurred. If this turns into a pattern of behavior then that is a different situation and a line would have to be drawn to ensure the protection of your boys. Bottom line is I would advocate not being so reactionary to her BS. I think she feeds off the attention that you would be showing her. Do not allow her to see that she is getting to you. And do your best to not let her get to you.

As always. I will be praying for your family.

Ted

[confusedinpa]

Ted

First of all, thought you were spending time with your wife this weekend - why the heck are you on this board now.

Ok enough of the 2x4

I dont think it's isolated as she pulled the sane crap when he called about the laptop a couple of weeks ago

Then my 3 year old asks why I never changed his diapers last weekend?!??

Now both my 7 and 3 year old said they heard I was doing bad things?!??

I need it to stop. My lawyer suggested email as documentation as well as avoiding a blow up with her. Personally I don't want the boys to get drawn into any more nonsense than they already have

I'm prepared to move on with my life with the boys. I know she will be part if it as their mother but I do not want any more harm to the boys

I do appreciate your concern and our prayers. This is a really hard time in my life and your friendship really helps

Thanks

[MrBond]

cipa,

So do you intend to never talk to her face to face? I think something needs to be done about that because in the end you will have to co-parent with her. And you can't do that through just email.

Both of you are running away from each other. Better to face the music of each other and get it all out. But that's just my 2 cents.

I agree with sandi about documenting everything. She really is punishing the kids by not showing up to their games. She's got some major issues.

As usual, I'm prayin for you and the family.

[confusedinpa]

Stuck

What's there left to talk about? She cheated and has shown no remorse nor asked for any forgiveness. We will talk tactically about the kids but there is no relationship left to talk about beyond that.

I do appreciate your thoughts and prayers as the boys and I could use all that we can get right now