Is she just getting comfortable having the illusion of a H without having to be a W?
Is she too scared/prideful to make the first move?
Could be! My H and I fell into a "trap" or maybe it was more like limbo of being unaffectionate and non-romantic. After a while, I think we just got plain lazy. It takes a lot of work to keep a MR alive and exciting. When a couple lets down on the job for a long length of time, then it is much harder to get geared up again. I did not like things the way they were, but I had way too much pride to make the first move and pursue my H. I've always been that way. He, on the other hand, was afraid of being rejected again, so he held back. We went many years like that and then I had my EA.
I think what Coach advised you was good b/c if you continue to feel this lack of warmth for your W, I don't think that is good at all. You will end up with a loveless M. You may need to do something to jack things up a bit. Surprise her! Do a 180....something, but don't let this R turn to rust.
How long has it been since all the trouble started? I know that it takes more time than LBS usually thinks it will, but I also believe that a couple could allow too much time to slide by and they would be like an old, old couple who acted as if they were just really good friends and nothing more. I think there are a lot of women who honestly feel that way, but it is not a good M to have if both are in good health.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Oh, BTW, you were talking about all the women in the room at the school and wondered if your W noticed she was not the only one in the room. What she will really notice is if any of those women start giving you the eye! Then.....you will see a big ole 180 in her....and fast! Just human nature.
You said you were emailing or TM her almost every day.....have you always done that? B/c that seems to be pursuing to me, but if it has no backlashes, I suppose it is okay. However, I noticed she calls "you" if you don't take the time to call her each day.....hummmmm.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
It has been 4 months since W dropped the bomb. NO ILY's or same bed since then. We have drifted back to being very friendly to each other. But no affection.
As for the calls and I'm's, 90 percent of the time, I let her initiate. Before the bomb, we called and I'm'd allday.
I got tickets for us to see a show tomorrow - and I would call it a date. She is acting like a W in some respects. She plans things for "us" that are months down the road. If you saw us at home, even after we put the kids to sleep and its just us, you would not know anything is wrong.
So, I am open to any suggestions to coax her back to me.
How 'bout starting with something subtle tomorrow night on your date, such as holding her hand? Or maybe slip the arm about her waist or shoulder.
I'm not afraid to do that, but I just don't think she is ready for that. There has been NO contact sicne everything hit the fan in April. If she initiated it, I would hold her hand. But, I think right now, it would be most likely to scare her.
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Does she have a favorite cologne? You'd be surprised how much of a turn-on a good smelling cologne can be.
No, but a few weeks ago, I picked up some that smells pretty good. I have been wearing it ever since. Before, I rarely ever wore it.
If it has only been four months, then she may not be ready for any pressure. I know it's been a long time to you and it seems longer even here on the board, but I would not have been ready that soon. The fact she is in a friendly place with you is good and to slowly work up to getting more affectionate is probably a safer way to go. You know her better than anyone else, so go with you gut.
For what it worth, my H putting his arm around the back of the theater seat would not have bothered me as much as trying to hold my hand. Hand holding is more intimate.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
I'm pretty sure my H is a Nice Guy - but what's the female equivalent? Because I'm it.
Dia, have you ever watched that old movie, "Gone With the Wind"? I can't remember her character's name but she was the one married to "Ashley" in the movie.
That would be Melanie. Mellie for short.
The trouble with having an open mind is that people put things in it.
My sitch - Divorce Busted! http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1804137#Post1804137
Mellie for short. 