Coach, I didn't thank you for your post. Thank you, it helped.
This has been a crazy day.
I had appt with L at 2:00. I really liked her and hired her. She looked at the paperwork, was suprised that there was already a court date, that a petition had already been filed. Went through the paperwork, all the support stuff, the exclusive use of the home, paying for W's legal fees, etc. She saw who my wife's L was, she said that she knows this guy, and apparently he's a real scumbag. She says this guy doesn't mediate, his goal is generally to drive up legal fees with litigation, that he comes on strong and tends to not accept compromises.
With my wife wanting to mediate, she said he talked her into stuff she didn't want, or that she didn't understand what he was doing.
So, I went home and went over this with my W. Told her what she was doing, she said, no that's not what she had said. So I showed her all the paperwork that she'd signed.
So, she says, I made a mistate, this isn't what I wanted to do at all. I told her my L was offering mediation, "collaborative" D, showed her some of the info that the L had given me. That if she wanted to do it this way, she would have to get her L to "sub out" I think was the terminology.
W said, OK, let's go down there right now and change this. Well, L was leaving the office at that point so we made an appointment for Monday 12:00.
So, W said, should we talk about what we want? Should we go in prepared for what we're seeking, and started to talk. Talked about, do we want to sell the house, the merits of keeping the boys in the home, etc. She said she has seen condos for sale cheap here locally, the payments would be cheaper than rent. And brought up the idea again of us swapping time in the house with the boys. She sees us eating spending time as a family, meals and so on, providing stability for the boys.
OK this is where it gets crazy, guys.
I said, OK, you want to negotiate, let's negotiate.
I will do this, and give you seperation and time alone, if you will stop the divorce and go to counciling. We both get something we want.
She agreed to this. For some period of time, I guess until at least the boys finish the school year.
She said, we better get a good therapist, so we're not wasting our time. And if nothing else we'll be able to exit this process healthier.
So, the idea is that on the monday appointment, we going to stop the divorce.
And we're going to look at real-estate, probably some 2-bedroom condo.
So, I've gained: stop the D and counciling. No promises. She said even that she didn't want to go on dates right now. She talked about the "incompatibility" she felt with our intimacy. BUT - counciling.
I've also gained the complication of real seperation.
She admitted that, this will help her get an idea of what it will be really like, what the cost will be (emotional cost). Will help her get perspective. Maybe that's good. Will allow her to have time where she's not "taking care" of everyone.
She said that the stuff I've been doing around the house, the effort I've been putting in, has made an impact on her. Actually said "well played..." Eeee...
I'm playing fast and loose here. Hopefully... hopefully, this is the start in a new direction.
