Looks like I might soon be LBS...newcomer here

[brownidmom]

It was also during this time (8 years) that while we were living in different states and going through a really rough time that I kissed a guy I met. That evening was the night I met him and the only time I've ever seen him in my life.

Almost 7 years ago, when I was newly pregnant with 2nd S, H asked me the question again, if something had happened with OM. I was sick of lying, sick of being asked the same question over and over again. So I told the truth, a bout the OM and about the kiss. Life hasn't been the same since. Yes, we have gone through long periods of decent times, a few even good, but I can count on one hand how many times he has told me ILY and cannot begin the count the number of nights I have cried and agonized over the pain I caused him. Now, 7y later, he has been on the couch for almost 2 weeks and he looks at me with indifference in his eyes. Withholds affection from me, won't talk to me about anything at all of importance, discussions about the 2 boys only. About 6 weeks ago, H came home with app. for apt. and has been sitting on the counter ever since because I refuse to touch it.

I knew he was having hard time all along but H is emotionally abusive, saying that he will take the kids, tell his family that I had them fooled. I have been praying, reading books, haven't yet received DR.

Guess it is important to mention that the biggest thing is that H is convinced that there are other things I have done that I haven't admitted. WRONG!!! I came clean with every crush, thought, everything so I could show him I had faith and would do what I had to do to get him to trust me. Guess it backfired. He doesn't believe a word I say!

I have been lurking and reading your posts for a couple of weeks and finally decided that I want some advice, feedback, another perspective.

As I said, this is a 20 yr R, so a million more details will come out as we move on.