I don't want the man I married to wind up in Hell and to ruin his relationship with his children. But I cannot save him so instead for my own protection I have to remove myself from him and limit his access to me.
very poignant statement. I will keep praying that things get better for you soon. ((( BBJ )))
(1 aunt brain tumor 1 uncle cancer so having fundraiser).
My prayers go out to them.
In these continued troubled times for you and the kids, keep petitioning the Lord for the ansswers you seek. His is the perfect advice and instruction and He will surely have it for you.
Yes the anniversarys, birthdays, & the holidays suck when you are in this state of mind. I've been d 4 yrs and I actually forgot about the anniv. this year. Didn't occur to me until it was past. I was a snooper too. Be careful it can hurt. The evidence brings unnecessary additional pain and more unanswered questions. You already know he lies. He's not going to change now. Don't believe him, don't trust him. My xh left his email signed on on my computer and I left it open for many wks, giving me access to every exchange w/ ow. I would get a sweet little email from him about how he missed me, and then right after she'd get love messages and poems and they'd be making plans. He must have wondered if I was psychic, cuz I would find the best moment to send him emails - just when I knew he would be most vulnerable. I knew what movies they went to, what they were eating, what holidays they took. I learned she was very insecure about me and he had to convince her he didn't love me and that he wanted only to be w/ her. It was very painful. I finally decided I didn't want to know more and I restarted the computer losing access to his email forever. That's when I was able to stop the obsessing and move forward. Hang in there. Take care of yourself. Try to stop thinking about what he's doing and focus on what you need to do. I resorted to wearing a rubber band on my wrist and every time I found my thoughts going to h & ow I would snap it. I would replace the things I shouldn't be thinking to things I should be thinking about. I trained myself to swap thoughts and it did help. I was in terrible shape tho, and that was extreme but I needed it. At first I was snapping and switching thoughts many times over and over. Eventually I would only need an occasional snap. Finally I quite wearing the rubber band. Sending good thoughts your way
Sorry I went MIA for quite a while there yesterday and I missed all of the dumba$$ crap Dan pulled on you! WHAT A COMPLETE IDIOT!
Ok...sorry...out of my system now.
You seem to have all your ducks in a row on this. Get those papers drawn up, freeze the assets, and burn his sorry butt. He deserves everything he gets from this. More and more, from what he says to you, it seems like 'nice Dan' was an smoke screen he created and lived behind all of these years but when it comes to brass tacks, the 'evil Dan' that comes out is the real him.
Do yourself a favor sweetie, don't speak to him at all unless someone is bleeding. Instruct him not to contact you at all, that you need complete space away from him and his vitriol. You have already arranged this weekend for him and there doesn't need to be any further discussion between you. Trust me....it will give you peace of mind.
T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43 bomb12/4/07 PA5/07 S12/26/07 D final 11/17/08 Back together with no defined R 05/2010 confused....to say the least!!!
Found out from atty sister that in her own practice they had a case like mine. Judge hated the cheating husband. Went through all financials and any debt H created to spend on ow or other women, whatever, Judge listed as entirely his debt and not joint debt. Even subpoenaed the ow and made her testify. Apparently she stupidly wore necklace, watch and earrings given to her by the H and told the lawyer who bought them for her....dumb!!!
Don't think they lock these things anymore...next one will be in the Big D section I presume.
I am sad, I am disappointed, for me and my kids. I honestly don't know what more I could do. And I am extremely bothered that I am the one filing now. It was his idea all along but b/c he is getting underhanded I don't see I have much choice.
Praying for a miracle, planning to protect myself. Guess I am of two minds. Although I am known for my strong strong faith, even I cannot imagine a scenario where he stops the speeding train....
Making you file is one of the most cruel, yet common WAS weapons, I think. After everything, they still get to claim, in their minds, that you were the bad guy. Because, after all, it's all your fault.
Last edited by Virtually_Handsome; 08/29/0912:37 AM.
I know. My W will be moving out in just about 3 weeks. I really never thought this would happen. Always thought something would change at the last minute and we would piece things back together. I guess until she actually walks out the door I still will feel that way. But once the door closes, it closes for me.
I have not followed your story as long as many others on this board, but from what I have seen so far, you have gone so far above and beyond what anyone else would do in trying to save this marriage. However at some point, and it seems to me you've reached it, enough is enough. Maybe the miracle is that your action of filing and making the move forward will finally jolt a serious sense of change in Dan. One that is not superficial and momentary, but deep and lasting. Then you will be faced with the decision of is it enough for you to want to go back. All difficult decisions, but the life on the other side of these actions will be so much better for you than the one you are in now.
I am working on catching up with your sitch. Sorry he is still being a huge DAM. Keep trusting in God. I know he has his plan for us, and is looking out for us.
R 23 years M 20 years Bomb June 2007 S Oct 2007 Ds 11 & 16 Ds and I moved out Aug. 2008
BBJ, in a weird way, I think that you filing is actually a loving thing to do. It shows you are putting an end to the insanity so that you and your children can step out of limbo and move to a healthier place. You need not be held hostage by an angry, hostile h.
I know how much it will hurt when the reality hits you. And maybe it will wake Dan up too.
