Ups and Downs

[Butterfly1]

Well it could be MLC behavior as well. As A woman, I must say that when I hit 40, I went out a lot too. I wouldn't drive yourself crazy unless you have proof.

[Energizer Bunny]

Well it could be MLC behavior as well. As A woman, I must say that when I hit 40, I went out a lot too. I wouldn't drive yourself crazy unless you have proof.

She turned 30. I have wondered a lot about MLC too. Doesn't mean there isn't anyone else, but she is definitely into loosening up. We had always been pretty conservative (not politically) family-type people. Not too much partying, bar-hanging activities. Just go to school, get jobs, have a kid, go on vacations and baseball game type people. We've had friends, boats, activities etc...but we were never into hitting the scene.

Funny, the girl who never cared to impress anyone, wore oversize T-shirts and ripped up bluejeans spends an hour getting ready to run to 7-11 for milk. She's all "flashy" now. Could be to attract someone new. Could be the "true her" coming out as she claims. Either way, I'm not too much of a fan.

[MrBond]

I'm going to have to agree with the rest. It sounds like your W is having an A or at the very least maybe an EA. Have you actually seen her going out with these friends of hers? If you start casually asking her what she did that night, does she tell you or does she get defensive?

I think you better start taking notes.

Just my 2 cents.

[Energizer Bunny]

I have been talking to a lot of people. She doesn't know it but her friends and sister talk to me. A lot of times she takes out S7 with her when she goes to GF's house. I have even asked him if any of the other kid's dads were there.

nothing.

I still question the couple of texts and an old facebook post.

Tonight I came home to crying. She's just not happy. She is breaking down. She gave me a long hug. Weird how there was no feeling there right now.

I saw searchterms in the google toolbar. the results that it brought up were for condos a couple of miles down the road.

She's been hoome with S7 all day.

One of her friends told me she talked to W today. W sounded fine.

Another day in paradise.

I wish I could lose the fear.

[Energizer Bunny]

I haven't seen her out, but have verified.

She generally ends up telling me where she went, but hates when I ask.

[Energizer Bunny]

snooped. condo place has to do wiith her business.

I don't think she was looking. (not today at least)

Get this...Said a quick prayer and something changed in her. It was kind of weird. Probably temporary but the timing and 180 she took was pretty significant.

[givingitmyall]

Get this...Said a quick prayer and something changed in her. It was kind of weird. Probably temporary but the timing and 180 she took was pretty significant.

I have had the same experience. I have never been what I would call religious. But, my R with God has grown like never before.

[Butterfly1]

I still say - that as a woman, after being so serious at home - marriage, jobs, child - there is a time when I felt I had missed out - it doesn't have to coincide with "midlife" at all - just a reaction to being so duty prone. Needing to get out and feel free from family responsibilities. Especially as a mom. It's such a constantly one way giving job. I'm just trying to reassure you when you get overwhelmed with fear, as I often do. It does no good to imagine what isn't proven. Also, if it doesn't get a reaction out of you when she's dressing up to go out so much, it may lose it's appeal.

She just may need to feel like someone other than Wife or Mother or Worker. That's all I'm saying. But I know how much it hurts and tears you up inside. I've been there. Letting go and trusting is the best way I know how to survive.

also, how do you pray? What do you ask for? I've never been religious, but heck, whatever works!

[Energizer Bunny]

H4L - it sounds like you and her have talked. Im learning how different men and women really are.

As far as the prayer, I haven't really even gone to church since I was a kid. I have been working a lot on faith lately though.

I,m no expert, but I generally thank God for all of the good things. Any small goals, son, the fact she's still here, the strength that has stopped me from giving up, this board and the DB & DR books etc.

I ask for forgiveness for my mistakes and ask for him to come into our lives, for our family, the families of the people on this board, to heal W's heart etc.

Again...no expert, but I am learning. It's bbeen good for me.

[Energizer Bunny]

Weird weekend. Movement. What now?????

We were both home Saturday. Some time was spent with eachother, but she kept cycling from almost normal to really angry/depressed. She left to go to GF's house for a bit while I was with S7 and neighborhood kids.

When we came back, she was there sobbing on "my" (formerly our) bed. She told me she didn't want me to hurt her anymore. She's been so hurt and angry. She didn't realize how angry she has been. She sees that she has been walled off to me and defensive against me. She's sick of living like this and is ready to bring the wall down.

We hugged. We cried.

She said she couldn't promise what the future will look like, and she doesn't feel the closeness with me that she should. I told her that I don't feel that right now either, but that we shouldn't expect to feel that right now. We have been through a lot and it will take some effort to get there, but we can get there.

We took a break from the R talk after that. We both needed a breather.

I had plans that night. I kept them. She was up when I got home (12:30 ish.). We chatted about the evening, but no R talk. She went back to "her" room that night.

Sunday - she spent plenty of time to herself doing projects around the house, shopping etc. No R talk. No ring. Back to "her" room last night. She was pretty on edge, but she didn't get much sleep (getting back on schedule for the schoolyear.)

There's a little less anger in the air though.

I'm taking it slow. Not pursuing. I think this is significant progress, but I'm not going to smother her.