Once you have an education in this area, it isn't a magic trick anymore, it is possible to see the signs, anticipate the issues, read the body language, respond accordingly
Dunno. How does that sort with (IMO, excellent) advice like "If someone is acting angry, don't assume it's about you and get ready to go to war; maybe they had a hellacious commute, just got bad news about a relative, etc/FITB." I don't see how you can have it both ways, ie,
1. If spouse is in bad mood, don't assume it has anything to do with you .....
YET
2. If spouse is in bad mood, they *are* telling you what the problem is, just in a "female" non-verbal way. Educate yourself.
(HEAD EXPLODES)
The time and resentment I misspent being sad that my husband didn't "just know" when I wanted/needed a hug....when it should have been obvious to a slow-for-her-age oppossum that he would *never* naturally roll that way without some serious schoolin' because of his FOO.
You absolutely do have to let people know how you love to be loved. In words. Sometimes, repeatedly. Unless, of course, you ENJOY feeling resentful, starved, and misunderstood.....
Another observation: Few things irritate me more than stomping around in a fishwifey mood and hearing, "Is it me/did I do something .....????" from Excellent Spouse. To his credit he doesn't do that much anymore. It's irritating because the subtext isn't so much "I'm sorry you're hurting; can I help?" as it is, "Tell me I didn't make you mad; take away my guilt." Which gives the impression that the inquiry is not as much about the person hurting as the self-image of the person asking. My opinion, having been on the asking side of that equation too.
"Show me a completely smooth operation and I'll show you someone who's covering mistakes. Real boats rock." -- Frank Herbert
