Stepping out and Stepping UP!

[cagzmom]

Really really moving forward.

I am seeing xh for who he has become and who he was but chose not to deal with. 2 1/2 years later I have grown and changed and dealt with so much. He has stayed in the same place... and gone even further down.

This has brought me healing that I never could have imagined. Things that were deeply embedded in me as well... hurts that I knew but couldn't work through.. but was forced to in this pain.

Just wonder where I will be next August..

[Golfgirl1]

I don't know if they know what rock bottom is? My h just works so much that he doesn't deal with the issues. He is seeing a therapist which I think helps.

[cagzmom]

Golfgirl - my x uses work as an escape, booze, sex --anything.

[Golfgirl1]

My h said work is an escape. He also uses porn and the ow and who knows what else??

[peacetoday]

C
Whereever you are next August
more growth-happier
It will be good
and better than where you were the last few years
take care of yourself
you are going in the right direstion
as for our xh
well as you know mine is also going further down
but maybe it is all as it needs to be
God will have his way
and maybe this was the only way for them to see what they had to know?
out of our hands
Im glad I am free now-I wouldnt want to be M to him in the state he is
im not sure I would want to stand beside him as he recovers if he ever does
peace

[cagzmom]

peace thank you for those words.

God does want and will have His way.

I am growing in ways I never thought I would. It is strange really.

Learning and really getting it "CONTENTMENT..." No not many of the things/situations taht I ever thought I would want. BUT today this verse is resounding... "Godliness with contentment is GREAT gain...."

I am beginning to truly accept and believe that.

This month is filled with business for me.

D12 is soon to become D13
S20 is going to come home for a short stint this weekend.
I have to do a 24 hour trip back to the midwest for a wedding.
Court date with xh on Sept. 28 (back child support ugh)

and.... the weather is shiffting. there is coolness in the air (for now.)

peace is such a good feeling.. oh how I want to stay in this peace.

[TRUSTING]

Cagz,
Choose to stay in the "peace" mode. It is a choice. You are worth it.

I have really discovered a lot of tranquility since my ex mother in law passed away last month. She was the one who died in the motorcycle accident at the age of 52. It made me realize how fragile and short life is. We have spent so much time grieving and pondering our ML'ers. It is not worth it. This is our life.
We have to find joy. No, we did not anticipate this journey, much less being alone at the prime of our lives. Who knows what is in store for us, but at least we are alive. At least we can see our kids and friends and other family members. I know I have put too much value on my ex. We are so much more than extensions of them....

[cagzmom]

been blogging and growing -

thought today if someone asked me if i still loved him what i can say is that i really loved the man that i knew. and i can definatley say the man he has become is someone that i dont even know. i can't say i don't like him or love him because I DONT know him.

[TRUSTING]

ditto Cagz

I really don't want to know ex anymore, he is so unappealing.

I am just going to follow God's plan for me.

If he brings us back together, I'll deal with my feelings then.

Thinking of you always....

[peacetoday]

C
It is so weird
we were M to these men for a long time
we knew them then
Now
I also see a man who resembles my H but he is so sick
I never knew him that way
peace