Over the Shock and GALing 6

[Thinker]

great way to avoid anger and resentment. communication what a concept- which seems to be the core of most was issues.

Unfortunately we cant bring up everything that bothers us it would become pursuing and R talk so I guess we have to deal with some anger and resentment ...

There is a BIG difference between an R discussion and a discussion to set or enforce a boundary or to improve the partnership.

In my own mind I coined the terms "Boundary Discussion" and "Partnership Discussion"

R discussions are pursuit - "Let's talk about us" - I have tried like He11 to avoid these.

Boundary discussions are short and direct, and are about a specific thing that the other person did (a specific incident, not "You always..."), combined with the impact and consequences. "You did X, which caused me to do Y or feel Z, If you do this again then..."

Partnership discussions are specifically designed to improve the way you work together in your current sitch - coordination, division of duties, etc. "Let's compare schedules to figure out who goes where this week." "Here's where we are vs our budget for this month"

Avoiding R discussions does not mean you should avoid Boundary or Partnership discussions. These other two are critical.

BIG NOTE:
None of these discussions are for dealing with anger and resentment. You have to deal with those on your own.