Over the Shock and GALing 6

[Thinker]

T,

I see you doing really well and really badly in the same post. This is bad:

I have found myself getting angry at our sitch, and in WAS mode have found myself now looking at our whole R in a negative light and started thinking "She's never going to change, It'll never be good, so we should just end it now"

Great example of negative self-talk, one of the biggest obstacles to improving one's marriage.

Yep, bad. Sounds like WAS script doesn't it

That was really the point I was making in the post - noting the onset of the WAS-script like thoughts in myself.

It is easy to do. The more detached I have become, the less I hold tightly to the good things in the M, and the more apparent the bad things become.

And I believe that handled with tact and gentleness, your new N.U.T. is an excellent one. It is important to communicate and not bury problems under the rug.

This really requires a mindset change. Until now, when my W would do something that stepped on one of my boundaries, I would react with flabbergasted exasperation - "How could she do that!?" This meant it was her character flaw that was the issue. Now I have realized that It is up to me to set the limits - and if I don't, and then if someone steps on me, then shame on me for not being clear in my expectations.

As far as having those discussions with tact and gentleness, I highly recommend "Crucial Communications" and "Crucial Confrontations" (Thanks Coach )