Right Strom a few things happened together that just led me to this space.

My battery died in my car. I thought for a moment. Then rang H. I think I`d have rung him anyway if we were separated as I`m hoping for a degree of amicablity.And I knew he was at home with the kids-not digging him out of work or leisure.

Well, he drove right up to my car and deliberately clashed with my bumper. Won`t say crashed-just tipped it. I didn`t pass any remarks but it hurt that he would do that;he is a much better driver than I and I know it`s deliberate.

He said nothing. I said thanks for coming. But nothing.Did the charge up thingy and said Try it now. That was it. And he left.

I hate his hate. I`m tired of being boppy Miss Happy Do It All all the time in the face of his anger.

I`d just been to see my lawyer.
"You`re husband has more moods than Picasso""Its peculiar that a man wouldn`t want to seek intimacy with his wife in over a year." "Don`t pay now, I`ll settle up when you WHEN you`re in again" "It takes two to tango and your husband is out of the dance"

H has asked me twice have I rung mediators. He clearly wants out. More involved with the kids. More angry with me.

My therapist(who admittedly is separated) says I`m too controlling. Too dramatic. Too crazy.

And that H is done with the marriage. Its very cut and dried with men, she says. When they`re done they`re done.

My sister is glad I`m 'finally seeing the light"

My vbf says let him roll with the mediation all the way.

Making an appt with mediation is letting H take control and have things his way.

I need a break from his hate campaign.

I see the kids trying to get us together. "We should go to ____ on holidays next year" "Where are we all going for my birthday"

I hate the deceit;there will be no family celebration, there will be no family holiday. But I can`t tell them that yet.

I`m really tired today post therapy. I`ve lost my mojo.I feel blamed for everything by my therapist.And if its not me,well its my parents fault. And they`re a helluva lot less dysfunctional than H`s lot. Even though my therapist thinks his are actually better. Hmmmm, his father is an alcoholic wife batterer.

I rang the mediators office five times today but no one about so I just left a message for them to call.

You know, the big plus about this is that, if H is truly done, then he cant come after me anymore challenging me on why I did/didn`t do this or that. It all history now and there`s no point in going back. Just move on.