In Limbo

[d1adsl5a]

Interesting evening last night. First she said she was going out last night alone to the fundraiser on our anniversary. Then when I got home last night she told the kids that we were going together. One of two things could have happened, I could've swallowed my pride and just went along or I could have said like hell...But I swallowed my pride and didn't say anything and went out. We had a good time. Came home and we retired to our separate sleeping quarters. So I am glad I did go. I think it showed that we can still have fun together.

I have been and always taken care of myself physically. I have lifted weights 5 days a week for the last 20 years. It is good therapy that is for sure.

I guess the reason I asked you Jimbo about where your situation is and others that respond to the threads is that I am looking for success stories. That we are all heading down the right paths. I feel whether we admit it or not we give up ourselves, our pride a piece of ourselves to hold on to this marriage. I know that will eventually turn and I won't have those feelings anymore. But you have been db'ing for sometime as well as others that respond to this thread. I keep looking for the story where the W or H turns around and says I'm coming home.

I guess the realization that I will have to come to at some point is that the majority of the time they don't come home. I know some do, but it seems most don't. I keep looking for hope, a sign that I'm still in the game with my W. There are no signs. She probably captiulated last night and invited me so that I wouldn't have anger towards her again. You know what, it did work. I am in a good mood today.

I must realize that this site is about getting a sense of ourselves back. We have given so much of ourselves in order to save our marriages. To let someone have free reign while they figure out if they want us again. It can make a person feel very small. I feel like I sold my soul out a couple months ago to save this marriage.

The question you may want to ask is am I doing this for the right reasons. I feel yes: I am doing this so my sons are brought up without divorced parents. I am doing this because I still love my old wife. I don't love this one who has treated me so horrible. I guess that is how I get through this is that thinking she is someone else right now. I give you credit Jimbo for trying to stick it out even as she gets ready to marry another man.

I feel there will come a point for me( I am not putting a time frame on it) that I will have to move on. Find someone new. I am the type of person that needs closeness with someone. I have always had a steady girlfriend since I was in 8th grade. I can get much of that from my sons, but a piece will always be missing for me.

I will do my best to stop the R talks, stop putting pressure on her. I will do my best not to take another beating from Mach or a stern talking to from you Jimbo...

Thanks.