A Little Epiphany - (and a newbie delurking)

[dolphin_05]

Hi Dia,

You have made so much progress and as you already know, down times have to be expected. The progress is all relative...you envy someone who is in the same bed with her H, others envy the progress you are making (and in the same house).... and on it goes. Perhaps you should go back and read over your threads just to remind you of the great progress you have made(and continue to make!)

Cas

[Dia]

You are absolutely right, Cas and GIMA. If I look back to something like June there is no way I could ever have anticipated being where I am now, sitting on a love seat I picked out myself, working from home in a brand new job and knowing that my H will be home in less than 2 hours.

I have made tremendous strides since I got here, and before that as well.

Life is good.

Mostly I need more sleep.

[Dia]

H stopped in at the house on his way to movie night. He didn't have to, but he did. I was all dolled up - gauzy skirt, black tank top, dangly silver jewelery. I polished up the silver jewelery as part of my 5 pm ritual today so it was especially shiny. We bought it as a present for me on a cruise to Cozumel. It's not expensive, but I love it.

There's a bracelet with dangly heart charms and then a puffed silver heart pendant with a bell inside. Every baby I've ever held has been fascinated by the jingly heart.

Anyhow, the dangly hearts on the bracelet caught H's eye and then he checked out the rest of me. In particular, I noticed that his eyes lingered on my lips. I asked if he remembered where we got the jewelery and we shared a few laughs and memories about various babies grabbing the necklace.

He had a cup of the soup which was nice of him and complimented the flavor. Then he gallantly asked what it would take to forgive him for abandoning me tonight.

Dia: Oh ho! So I get to set conditions?

H (laughing and bantering): Ohhh, I see what you're after. Now you're going to negotiate terms.

Dia: Maybe I am. What am I offered? (and I checked *him* out)

Then kidlet came in.

Kidlet, dude, light of my life. We have GOT to work on your timing.

I will make an attempt to claim my spoils later.

[givingitmyall]

Sounds good Dia. Just remember, no expectations.

[Dia]

Yep - expectation is that I will get nada. Possibly some time sitting together and some nice conversation. I might ask for a kiss tho and let him choose the location. We'll see.

[Dia]

Re: my promised booty. I requested and received a piece of his chocolate.

I'm about to start the drive down south and while driving, I will be meditating on the topic of patience. I got impatient this week, wanting a similar amount of progress this week as I've had in past weeks. That's not going to happen, and if I push things or get pissy about it, I will UNDO my previous progress. NOT a good thing.

I get my first paycheck middle of next week and I will put some of it toward some GAL activities.

I will finally see Julie and Julia.

I will visit the local casino for their chocolate extravaganza buffet.

I will garden!

I will take up painting again.

I will go on walks.

I will do some projects around the house.

I will find some Quality Time things to do together with kidlet.

I will buy my fave perfume and some new cosmetics.

etc.

[Coach]

I will be meditating on the topic of patience.

"Patience is the companion of wisdom." St Augustine

[Dia]

*laughing and grinning*

Aye, but it sounds sort of funny when paired with another quote of his.

"God, give me chastity - but not yet."

Just joshing with you, Coach.

[Dia]

So, the drive was incredibly thoughtful and therapeutic. I have overlooked something rather large.

On another thread here this morning, I found myself discussing the WAW/LBS dynamic. I believe I said something to the effect of, "If you want the WAS to come back, then eliminate any valid issues they had for leaving."

...eliminate the issues...?!?

We had issues?? Oh - like communication, finances and parenting? Those issues?

Crap.

I've been so focused on restoring the romance that I've been completely overlooking and neglecting the issues. And yes, that thing by which I am hoist does feel a bit like my own petard.

Pie Jesu Domine <WHACK>

Yes, a number of my 180s - and his - are related to the issues, but I've been pleased with myself for 'doing the work' when really I've been chasing the fun part of things, namely the affection and the flirting.

...dona eis requiem. <WHACK>

Mea culpa, mea culpa, mae maxima culpa.

(Toldja I had Catholic roots.)

[givingitmyall]

Great observation. That was a therapeutic drive.