Over the Shock and GALing 6

[Thinker]

Journaling:

I've been working out of a remote office here near MIL's house for 2 days, spending the evenings hanging out with MIL and being supportive wherever possible. MIL and I have been having fun exchanging jokes (thanks guys!)


I have found myself getting angry at our sitch, and in WAS mode have found myself now looking at our whole R in a negative light and started thinking "She's never going to change, It'll never be good, so we should just end it now"

Right now I need a good dose of patience and acceptance. We are spending time together. She is trying. We are going to Retrouvaille in 19 days. Yesterday she called me from the mall where she was looking at a potential replacement for her wedding ring. All good things.

At the same time, Mrs. Thinker has frustratingly gone back into withdrawal mode: non-communicative, non-responsive, shrinking away from any physical contact, etc. That would be OK if she were focusing her attention on MIL, but she's not. Instead she has been spending a ton of time on her cell phone with her girlfriends at home, her geographically distant sisters, etc. This seems to be her escape hatch - a way of avoiding dealing with something she wants to avoid - like our sitch, her mothers health, or the demands of her kids.

This morning, after not being able to get her attention away from her cell phone S6 hit Mrs. Thinker, causing her to blow up. After taking S6 to his room for a timeout and letting him know that hitting anyone, particularly his mom, is unacceptable for any reason, I quietly pulled my W aside.

I told her that basic politeness dictated that the person in front of you takes priority over a person on the phone, and when she get's on her phone and ignores those around her, as she does to me and the kids, it makes all of us feel unappreciated and devalued. She got angry about "the lecture", as she called it, but quickly calmed down (or at least swallowed her anger...). I also made it clear that in no way does this validate S6's behavior.


For too long I tried to ignore it (while internally seething) when she would accept or make a call and chat away in the middle of a meal or a family event, ignoring all around her and getting angry with anyone who dared to interrupt her. I know that she has lots of close friends and they are important to her, but this is being rude and inconsiderate.

A new N.U.T. for me - if something bothers me, I am going to bring it up.

Back to work now for me - I want to finish up early today and take the family out for lunch to get them out of the house and give Mrs. Thinker a break from both the kids and from her mom's house.