I told my shrink once that I was tired of going in circles, too.
"So stop going in circles," he says to me.
"Yeah. And just how do I do that?" I shoot back at him.
"Walk a straight line," he says simply.
"Walk a straight line," I repeat. "Gee, you make it sound so simple. Why didn't I think of that?" Imagine a voice thick with sarcasm.
"Oh, it's not easy," he said to me. "Especially for someone like you."
"Someone like me?"
"Yes, you are a fixer. You fix everyone, everything. Except for yourself. Walking a straight line is called drawing boundaries. When you refuse to go in circles anymore, that only leaves straight lines. Boundaries. Don't engage, don't disengage. Just walk your line."
Boundaries, Sooner. I think someone above hit upon this. Your wife pulls you into arguments so she doesn't have to face something very uncomfortable. I don't know why it is uncomfortable, though I've made some educated guesses.
Go to the counselor. He or she will teach you how to stay on your line and not allow your wife to spin you off in uncontrollable circles.
And don't leave again. It's the ultimate power play... like hanging up when you are arguing with someone on the phone. Just sleep in another room of the house until you cool down.
She knows she's not being fair to you. If you start going to a counselor, she'll go eventually. But start with yourself first... she'll follow.
