HELP!!! I need my DB brothers and sisters!

[missmyfriend]

I am constantly seeking ways to improve myself and to get to the point where I take my eyes off of myself and think about others. When I am successful, I feel better long term than I do for short term personal satisfaction of "getting even" or "setting things straight". I sincerely believe giving is better than receiving. And now I am trying to get to the point where I don't expect anything in return.

I know that is what my problem is with my children and, to some extent, my xw. Many people don't understand why I treat my xw as my wife, i.e. I still pray for her, I try to be gentle with her with my words and actions, show respect to her as my children's mother, and love her as the "love of my youth". To show kindness and respect to her is the opposite of what she would expect from me. I don't do it to aggravate her. In many ways, this is a 360 for me and a return to the way I was when she and I dated.

I came across some scripture in Micah where God has an issue with Israel. They are pretty much ignoring Him and He states His case against them providing support for the things that He has done for them such as liberating them from captivity in Egypt. When the people respond, they ask if He wants blood atonement, oil, their firstborn? And God's response was this (Micah 6:8)

"...He has showed you, O man, what is good.
And what does the LORD require of you?
To act justly and to love mercy
and to walk humbly with your God."

Humble? I thought I was but I realize that I'm not. I realize that I do things expecting a positive response and when I don't, I am sure I wear my heart on my sleeve. I am careful around my xw but I am sure my kids have seen it over and over again. I have to remind myself why I am showing love to my family. It is for them but it is also for God and myself. Giving without expecting something in return is a true gift otherwise I am really looking for a trade.

I will say that my kids do show me love. They just get wrapped up in life and being a teen that they think about themselves. I am dad, after all, and dad is a "rock" who will always be there.

The challenge is to keep reminding myself that my first ministry is to my family and, as many ministries go, can be very daunting but very rewarding if I don't lose faith and give up.