sooner, I haven't read much of your stuff lately but weren't you, at one time, trying to not initiate very often? Are you still trying to give her lots of space and staying away from the sex thing? If so, what are you doing with the frustration and bad feelings while giving her space?
She baited you last night and you took the bait. It's like someone has already said, it took the focus off the real issue and put it back onto you and your behavior. It's a defense mechanism of hers to not have to deal with it. Maybe if you change your expectation before you even go in for the kill you will be able to resist her attempts at baiting you and changing the focus. If it's long periods of time between initiating and if you are doing without to a point that you are highly frustrated then you are primed emotionally to not deal with her rejection in a more solution oriented manner. Know what I mean?
Being more aware of how you are feeling and how you want to react to her before you initiate will keep down any negative reaction to her rejection. I think the newagers call it being "mindful."
I can remember a time when my ex did something to me. I left the house for the night....thought I would show him a thing or to. HA!! By the time I left in his mind I was the cause of the problem...I was the one overreacting and my leaving was just more proof that I was being unreasonable. People who can't or won't face and deal with their own problems are skilled at turning it around and making it the other guys fault. You play a role in allowing her to do that. The trick is to respond in a way that keeps her from being able to shift the blame...put it in her lap and let her deal with it. Cathy
