Thank you honeypot. Even though you may feel like you're just ranting at times, it helps me so much just to know that someone cares and understands what I'm going through. Sure I'd love for someone to give me the magic solution to all of my problems, but I realize that no magic solution exists. Any little bit of advice that I can get is helpful, even if it's something that I've heard before, and I think that your suggestion of not letting things escalate into a fight is a good one. I'll try harder in that respect, but here's what makes that hard to accomplish. No matter how lovingly or calmly I approach my wife, after about two minutes of just talking about the sex issue she'll blow her top. She'll scream at me, throw something, stomp out of the room and slam the door, etc. After that point if I were to continue the conversation, no matter how calmly, she would perceive it as a fight since she made it clear that she doesn't want to talk about it. So my only option really is to shut up and go on with my life. However during the weeks that follow nothing will change and eventually the whole thing will happen again. How can we make any progress when we can't even communicate about the problem?
It's Sunday morning and I'm still at my Mother's house. My wife never called during the night so I called her this morning. We talked, and argued, for quite a while on the phone and as usual I doubt that anything good will come of it. But as soon as I get done on here I'll head home, try to regroup, and go on with my life hoping that something will change.
Something she said this morning struck me. She said that she has made an effort - we had sex a month ago. Trying t make a point I replied something like "what if I said you're wrong that I don't do things to help you around the house - I washed the dishes a month ago". Then she said "yeah, but you don't have a problem doing the dishes". That, and the subsequent conversation, leads me to believe that to her sex isn't just something like doing the dishes that you have to do but don't get overly excited about - it's something that is for some reason nearly impossible for her to make herself do. In fact, she called it "monumental". Maybe this is where I could use the insight of the low desire spouses since I can't fathom viewing something as wonderful as sex as being so unbearable. When she said that, I told her (again) that considering the seriousness of this problem, I really feel that the only way we're going to make some progress is to seek counseling. She doesn't want to, but she gave me a very slim hope that she would consider it. I'm going to start looking for a counselor and at the moment I have no idea how to find the right person. I think it should be a woman as I don't think my wife will listen to a man. And I think it should be someone that values marriage and specializes in dealing with sexual issues similar to ours. Otherwise I have no idea so any advice is welcome.
I'd better get home now. My wife called a few minutes ago and we were again on speaking terms. She has some things that she put off doing yesterday and really needs to get done so I told her that I'd take the girls to the zoo. That should be fun, although it was hard to make that offer because I really don't feel like doing anything for my wife at the moment. But I think it's the right thing to do. What do you guys think?
