No calls or emails, because she can't. The last time I spoke to her she was very angry and lashing out. She left me a message the other day before I changed my number at 4:30 am that just said "I know your there".
I miss the soft loving voice of the soft loving woman I used to know but she has been replaced by a very sharp tongued and hurt angry viper that blames me for everything. She is going to calm down someday but her mind is capable of building walls that stay up forever. It is like a stone labyrinth around her heart of all of the walls she has built to protect her from the realities of the world, what has happened to her and what she has done to others. She is an expert at this type of building. I am afraid that she is lost forever behind this facade.
She has rarely been the type to express empathy for the troubles of those she knows, she simply acts as if everyone can just get up and move on no matter what the circumstance, so my depression that I have always had was felt by her as a personal insult, laziness and even stupidity. Her reaction was to get another job and blame me for leaching off of her while I was trying to figure out how to make OUR life work.
