UPSIDE DOWN and struggling badly.

[Eskimo Nell]

You are right on not respecting myself - I am working on those issues with my counsellor - and yes, it has always been all about him as far as I am concerned. H thinks that it's always been all about me however and life pre-MLC indeed evidenced that. It's why his alien behaviour is now so difficult to swallow and the fact that he has totally re-written our history and how he felt about me is so numbing.

I guess that I have never thought of my life being in his hands that way but have allowed that to happen through the partnership that M is.

Evidently, it would be good to take the gun away but how best to do that, other than what I am trying to do in DB techniques - I have no control over him or OW ...?

I called him on the 'fall back plan' and he says no, even if it all fizzles out with OW, he still won't be coming back to me - he's done, R dead, M over. He's adamant.

I do have to work more on detaching ... I am too available to him. He also knows that he is pushing my boundaries though as he has seen how I take things, bottle them and then, when I finally explode, I cut people off without even thinking about it. He knows that he runs that risk but I'm sure that he doesn't even care about that and feels that it would be a bonus for him.