UPSIDE DOWN and struggling badly.

[Eskimo Nell]

JCJ - I absolutely know that you, like everyone else, is right about this but I also know that I would be coping so much better if I had friends and family around me. I don't want to sound totally pathetic or have people feel sorry for me but to be in a country with no-one is like nothing you can imagine.

I have also wondered if H is really in MLC - we all think so from my posts here but he is adamant that he is not. I guess that could be considered similar to an alcoholic denying that they have problems too! (H is NOT an alcoholic)! Therefore, I must believe nothing of what he tells me and only half of what he does.

I hear you on the heating thing .. trouble is, he's started ignoring the bills now and I had to pay the water bill this morning, which reduces my miniscule nest egg to even less. I just can't do this and I feel that he is trying to 180 me by putting my back against the wall. If the utilities get cut off and the mortgage is not paid, I will be evicted. I can't really believe that he would do that but it is in my mind that this is now his new game.

Despite him telling me that we have our email to communicate (why would he stoop to just that when we were having regular phone calls until recently) he is just not answering when I email him to advise that a bill has arrived and is due. I just don't seem to be getting through to him, though when he is here and I say this, he seems rational and states that he will reply. Uurgh, it is so frustrating. He is certainly playing a blinder and he knows which buttons to push. He has borrowed money from his parents to fund his secondary lifestyle but I don't think that they would be any too impressed knowing that he is using that for holidays and entertaining whilst he is not paying our bills and leaving me so neglected.

I know that I have to find something to occupy me but we really do live in the backwaters of society and there is very little here other than a burger outlet, garage and bottle shop. That's it! I would love to join your cat appreciation society, yes please! I looked at doing some voluntary work but it's quite a way away and I really don't know that I could hold myself together to be out there in the public eye right now. I have to do something though ... will keep thinking and researching.

I didn't see your thread - I seem to have lost it somewhere but will go looking again. I was trying to work out the buddy thing so that I can keep track but it's not that user-friendly, or I am just totally techno-useless! I am really sorry that your H has treated you that way - it's so cruel and heartless, isn't it? You just can't believe that the love that we once had can diminish to such a level.