I posted in the newcomers but needed advice

[lost-n-Iowa]

GOOD!! You have made a step towards starting to change yourself. That is a good start. Remember to stick to it no matter what.

WHat you also may what to think about is getting a councler. If not for your M exactly but for your self! The councler will help you see, understand, and hopefully change your 'aggressive and destructive' ways about how you feel that he may be cheating on you.

I am not saying that it is wrong to have the feelings that you do, I am saying that you are aggressive towards him about your suspisions, and it is destructive to your M. I know this from ewxperience, trust me.

My H cheated on me about 5 years ago before we got married. I thought that I forgave him and could move on but everytime that we had a fight about sex or something similiar, I would throw it in his face what he had done. We ended up seperated for a little bit because I had pushed him away with the constant reminder of what he did and the constant thinking that he would do it again. Granted we ended up married and he found a few other activities (like sex texting and online porn) that he felt he was not actually cheating on me but stretching the issue to 'almost doing it'. His way of thinking has almost destroyed us and we are working on it.

You know what though, I say this advice to you and know that I have to try and live up to it myself, cuz I still do it. I know that it is bad, I know that if I don't stop it then I will basically hand him over to an OW, in my case, again. I go to MC with my H but the MC is also my IC and he has helped me see that I need to stop doing this destructive behavior.

I know this note was long but I wanted you to hear abit of my past so you will know that there is other people out there that have the same destructive behavior that you are having but are getting through it and are saving thier M's because they have set a rule to stop the behavior and are following through with stopping it.

If you can,set down in writing some of the things that you want to change within yourself. Read it everyday to help you remember what it is that you are wanting to change.

What are some goals that you can work on? Make them short term (like I will do this to GAL or do this for a 180) , not long term (like I want to save my M).

coming here was a great start. Now let everyone on here help you. Start listening to the advice the everyone wants to give you. It has certainly helped me.