I remember telling my W about female friends of mine whom I said I admired because they owned their own businesses, or was successful in some way. I didn't do it to offend her, but just as a topic of conversation. I talked about guys the same way. But I can see how given her state of mind that it hammered her self-esteem.
So how do I go about kicking someone in the @$$ to get their self-esteem going? I know her boss was able to do it because, well, he's her boss. I've been complimenting her here and there to try and build her up and that's something I've always done. I think I'm doing it much more consciencely now though.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
Guys, you're also dealing with hyper-sensitive women. It also about the delivery. When H would talk about so and so's wife who makes $100k a year AND does everything and so on...well, the first time was a regular conversation but the 2nd, 3rd, 4th, 5th...I got the point and felt like cr*p.
don't beat yourself over it. I'm not. If our S's were bothered by the comments, they should have said something. Especially since I talked about guys I admired the same way.
There comes a time when the WAS has to take personal responsibility for what they did or didn't do. But rather than admit their wrongdoing, some find it easier to run away than face up to the problems.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
A thought, self-esteem comes from feeling good about oneself and one's actions...so your compliments actually make it worse because they don't match how she experiences herself. Tell a woman who is out of shape how great she looks and she'll really get depressed.
She would feel better about herself if she was a better wife and mother. It is the truth. So, how do you fit into that?
Oh actually I had been doing that as well. I don't talk too much about her looks because I know she's self-conscience about them. I think she looks hot, but she doesn't think so.
In fact, even before this stuff happened, if I complimented how beautiful, hot, sexy, whatever, she looked, she would just roll her eyes. I actually mentioned that in my email to her that I did not appreciate her dismissing my compliments in the past because I sincerely would mean them. I also asked her how she would like it if she complimented me and I rolled my eyes at them.
Aside from saying what a good mother/wife she is, I give her specifics. For example: "I appreciate how you got up early to fix the kids' lunches. You're a great mom." Something like that.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
Oh actually I had been doing that as well. I don't talk too much about her looks because I know she's self-conscience about them. I think she looks hot, but she doesn't think so.
In fact, even before this stuff happened, if I complimented how beautiful, hot, sexy, whatever, she looked, she would just roll her eyes. I actually mentioned that in my email to her that I did not appreciate her dismissing my compliments in the past because I sincerely would mean them. I also asked her how she would like it if she complimented me and I rolled my eyes at them.
Aside from saying what a good mother/wife she is, I give her specifics. For example: "I appreciate how you got up early to fix the kids' lunches. You're a great mom." Something like that.
Have you checked out Thinker's thread? Similar sitch. Enough with the, "I sincerely feel" and "how would you like it"...
I rolled my eyes too because I didn't respect my H. You get that? You are not respected in your home and by your W. Don't get pissed. Do something about it.
