But she still writes in her journal that getting flowers from me "sapped all of her energy".
Originally Posted By: v1olin
I know I need to detach and I think I have arrived.
Bull. Read your first quote.
Why are you still reading her effing journal???
Me: 50; Wife: 48 Gay; civil union in NJ no kids M: 15 years, together 17 Bomb (OW) 2/09 (EA 3mos/PA 3mos) ILYBINILWY W out of house, w/OW, in separation talks, nothing filed
I have read it for a few minutes at a time for the last few days. I guess I read it to understand what Iam dealing with. I had suspicions back in april but I fooled myself into beleiving my wife would never do that.
Me 35 Wife 34 Two daughters 8 years and 3 years Bomb 3/30/09 W filed 4/16/09 We met in'92 married in 2000 Divorce final
I have been picking the girls up from school and playing with them until my wife gets home. But now I am leaving the house alot sooner than I was in the last 3 months. So now it looks like she is getting a taste of what divorced life will look like. For the last 3 months I would hang out while they ate dinner and even clean up the mess our D2 would make on the table and floor after they were finished. Keep in mind that the last time I had dinner with them as a family was 3 months ago. I would help get them baths and read bedtime stories and sometimes do the dishes. Now I drop off the kids say a few cheery things to my wife and then leave. I am no longer affraid to be alone.
I went to a highschool reunion over the weekend and got to try out some of my new communication skills and good looks. Worked great too! People think I am funny and interesting. When I told people what I do for a living they would say, "that is the most interesting thing I have heard all night." I make,restore and repair violins BTW. Sometime last week my wife was talking about how stressful her job is because she could screw up and lose 800K in product. Then I told her that could happen in my job too. She said, "you never worked on anything that expensive." HUH!! I told her that many times I had instruments in my workshop at home that were worth 500K to 900K. I know I had told her this in the past too. She is so self centered right now!
So, I have stuck to this no contact for the last two visits and tonight I left early again. Guess who calls 45 minutes later? Yes,her. She wanted to know where the 2008 tax return was, real urgent I know. I ignored it.
One hour later she calls again. She wanted to tell me that D7 did not want to do her homework. Then she tells me that D7 cannot play tomorrow until she does her homework. OK fine, I will help her with her homework while battysitting D2 at the ssame time. UHH, IF SHE WANTS TO BE A SINGLE MOM SOO BAD THEN WHY DOESNT SHE COME HOME EARLY AND HELP WITH HOMEWORK WHILE BABYSITTING D2?
Me 35 Wife 34 Two daughters 8 years and 3 years Bomb 3/30/09 W filed 4/16/09 We met in'92 married in 2000 Divorce final
Wife called again this morning. I ignored that one too until I was ready to call back. Turns out she is stressing about D7 not keeping up with her work in second grade. She went on and on about how D7 was in second grade now and she had to do more work and do her home work, etc. I let her talk and I said, "I am not going to state the obvious here but D7 has alot of things on her mind that she did not have on her mind last year." Then wife says that D7 mentioned the divorce last night during her tantrum and my wife said that "other kids in her class have problems too but that doesnt mean that she gets a free pass." I was getting kinda mad at this point but I held my tounge. I told her that I would leave work early and talk to her teacher about his agenda for class. Then I told her that D7 and I would find a place in the school to do her homework.
I plan on giving my wife my copy of the five love languages because I think it will help her with D7 IF she actually reads it. So originally my wife wanted me to see our kids every other weekend with one visit during the week. Now I pull back and leave her with the kids a FEW TIMES and she is already wanting me to take up the slack for her. Oh yeah, she has a hair appointment tonight while I am taking care of business with our kids. When she gets home I will fill her in with what went on at school then Iam out of there.
Me 35 Wife 34 Two daughters 8 years and 3 years Bomb 3/30/09 W filed 4/16/09 We met in'92 married in 2000 Divorce final
I filled her in on the meeting with D7's teacher. For once I was the one telling her about important information about our daughter. In the past she would have always been the one to take care of this sort of thing. I said bye to everyone and left. 2 days until our mediation date.
Last edited by v1olin; 08/26/0905:46 PM.
Me 35 Wife 34 Two daughters 8 years and 3 years Bomb 3/30/09 W filed 4/16/09 We met in'92 married in 2000 Divorce final
Got a call from my lawyers office. I guess the mediation has been pushed back because my lawyer had something else that came up. If we dont make it to mediation before the court date then the court date will be pushed back too. I dont know if I feel happy about this or not.
Me 35 Wife 34 Two daughters 8 years and 3 years Bomb 3/30/09 W filed 4/16/09 We met in'92 married in 2000 Divorce final
From what I've been reading so far, you seem to be doing fine under the circumstances.
The only thing I see is that you need to work more on GAL and work on detaching more from the W. Be mysterious, elusive and start pushing more of her jealousy buttons.
Just my 2c.
M:11 | T:12 | Status: Married 4C's of WAS communication: Cool, Calm, Collected and CONFIDENT
I am going out with a friend and his wife on a double "social meeting" I wont call it a date. Next week that will happen. Tonight I am going to a B-day party of a girl I knew in highschool. I am still up-beat around my wife but Iam around her for only about 15 minutes a day. She is getting the picture real quick that something is happening with me. She came home last night in a very bad mood(could see it on her face)I played and laughed with the kids but did not ask her how her day was or any of that. Every time I get the chance now I tell her I have plans or I am going out. I tried this a few months ago but I did not really stick with it. She could tell I was still after her. Now I am getting to the point where she really disgusts me with her reckless "it's all about me attitude."
Me 35 Wife 34 Two daughters 8 years and 3 years Bomb 3/30/09 W filed 4/16/09 We met in'92 married in 2000 Divorce final
Will jealousy work on my wife? She really beleives that she loves this other guy I think. Question is:can that feeling for him fade completely? If we get back together will she go back to him if he leaves his wife? I dont know if I want to find that out.
Me 35 Wife 34 Two daughters 8 years and 3 years Bomb 3/30/09 W filed 4/16/09 We met in'92 married in 2000 Divorce final
Will jealousy work on my wife? She really beleives that she loves this other guy I think. Question is:can that feeling for him fade completely? If we get back together will she go back to him if he leaves his wife? I dont know if I want to find that out.
I don't know if it's really jealousy that will work, but rather the thought of losing you, your history, your love, and the intact family that comes with it all. Keep doing what you're doing. Let her see you have a great time with the kids, let her see you going out all the time, doing things she doesn't know about, except maybe gets a hint every now and then.
Your situation seems somewhat similar to mine, and my W was (is?) absolutely head over heals for her OM. I was convinced there was nothing I could do to pull her from him. She was lost, so I let her go, GALed, and started my own social life back up. I got in great shape, I was always happy and fun when I saw her. I returned to who I was when she met me, actually even better. I'm not available to her all the time when she asks. You know what's happened? She seems to be preferring me to him now, at least some of the time. She pursues me, wants to do things with me. She is still involved with OM, but I don't care what she says, there is no way she is 100% committed to him any more, which is remarkable given where she was six months ago. No woman who is committed would act like she acts towards me. I take great pleasure in knowing that she is probably lying and pulling the wool over OM's eyes, leaving him ignorant of what's going on between her and I. Turnabout is fair play.
Will this all be enough to save our M? Do I even want her anymore? I don't know, but I do know in my case the bond between my W and OM was not as unbreakable as I thought. Not when she was truly faced with losing me, rather than just seeing me hurting and longing for her back. Wow, I look back and see myself as so pathetic.
