Waiting More Than a Dozen Years

[Bagheera]

More follow up questions, TEGH;

(1) What kind of guys did you wife date or pair-up with with high-school while she was living under Daddy's rule? Was she a conformist who only dated nice boys who met with Daddy's approval? (you alluded to this when you mentioned her saying "Go as my father" to potential suitors) Or was she rebellious and sneaking out at night in order to hang out with the "bad boys" in school? In general, she a "Daddy's good girl," an "uppity prom-queen," or a "wild, party-girl,"?

(2) What kind of man does your wife find attractive and sexy now? What male movie stars or genres? Characters in books? Men on the street or at work? Do you know?

What we're trying to do here is to figure out what kind of man she, at her most basic level, is sexually attracted to, based upon her history. This doesn't have to be a man with long-term relationship potential -- in fact, I suspect that she has tried marrying what she was sexually attracted to (perhaps twice), only to find that they were quite lousy long-term relationship potential. This is quite common: a lot of women find "bad boys" incredibly attractive and sexy, only to discover that in the long-term, they are domineering jerks who don't make good husbands or fathers.

So instead, these women "settle." They marry a man who will provide them with the safety and security in long-term marriage that they are looking for, but who DON'T turn them on sexually, beyond the initial honeymoon phase of the relationship. I suspect that is exactly what your wife did in marrying you: she "settled" down with a man who gave her the safety, security, and freedom that her father did, but who doesn't really fire her up and arouse her sexually.

This is a lousy position to be in as the man in the relationship, especially when he *didn't* settle and she does turn *him* on. There are, however, ways to work around this and get her attention, sexually.

-- B.