My Intro: Thanks for Reading!

[RedSoxFan]

If you need me to take the kids this weekend let me know

or

If you're committed to the camping trip this weekend I'll take the kids

or

something else?

[Stronger]

I see nothing wrong with a father saying I would LOVE to have my kids this weekend.
It's sexy...good fathers=sexy men.
And what's more, you sort of have to take the kids if you are requesting she pull them back from all the contact with him.

If it's already clear that the kids will be with you if she goes, then there's nothing to say, is there?

[RedSoxFan]

I see nothing wrong with a father saying I would LOVE to have my kids this weekend.
It's sexy...good fathers=sexy men.
And what's more, you sort of have to take the kids if you are requesting she pull them back from all the contact with him.

If it's already clear that the kids will be with you if she goes, then there's nothing to say, is there?

If I say I'd love to have the kids this weekend and leave it at that, am I sending her a message that I want her to go with him this weekend? I don't want to send that message do I? Don';t I want to be neutral?

[aliveandkicking]

If you can, wait for her to come to you. If you offer to take the kids, you're influencing her decision.

On this one, I would keep it open and be prepared to keep them (though normally I would say never to be that available but this once...).

Let her figure it out and come to you.

[RedSoxFan]

And what's more, you sort of have to take the kids if you are requesting she pull them back from all the contact with him.

She could get a sitter. But I guess she'd expect me to get on her case for that. Hmmm

[aliveandkicking]

Don';t I want to be neutral?

YES!!!!

Do nothing right now.

[RedSoxFan]

If you can, wait for her to come to you. If you offer to take the kids, you're influencing her decision.

On this one, I would keep it open and be prepared to keep them (though normally I would say never to be that available but this once...).

Let her figure it out and come to you.

She's in a tough spot. She already brought up the dilemma to me which must have been hard for her. She kind of hinted at her need for kids to be with me. I doubt she'd mention it again. If she left them with sitter then she would be opening herself up to potential criticism from me (though I wouldn't criticize her, in her mind she's already questioning herself as a mother).

So if she's OK with hurting him then my sitting tight will be fine. If she's not then She might really resent me for putting her in the position.

Am I mind reading?

[RedSoxFan]

Every single one of these decisions is hard...arghhh. She's been silent since our conversation. Mind reading tells me the resentment is building. Guess I'll just do nothing and lay low. I'm off to do some volunteer work for daughters team, check in in 8-9 hrs

[aliveandkicking]

Am I mind reading?

IMO, yes.

You didn't put her in any position here. She planned the trip with the kids, you pointed out that it was an error in judgement, she agreed and now she has to deal with it.

The resentment comes with the territory but the sooner you separate the past from the present, the sooner she will.

I guess I am saying that she needs to work through her feelings of resentment and process and I don't think you can make up for the past by trying to make it easier for her now in a sitch she created (the weekend). That's just my opinion. It is an unhealthy dynamic. Either she will see your changes and believe you and want you or she wont.

[RedSoxFan]

Am I mind reading?

IMO, yes.

You didn't put her in any position here. She planned the trip with the kids, you pointed out that it was an error in judgement, she agreed and now she has to deal with it.

The resentment comes with the territory but the sooner you separate the past from the present, the sooner she will.

I guess I am saying that she needs to work through her feelings of resentment and process and I don't think you can make up for the past by trying to make it easier for her now in a sitch she created (the weekend). That's just my opinion. It is an unhealthy dynamic. Either she will see your changes and believe you and want you or she wont.

Thanks for the reassurance. Do nothing is what I shall do. BTW. she didn't plan anything with the kids. This is just an important event memorializing OM's best friend who died. There is a huge expectation from OM that she will be there.

She mentioned ion our heart-to-heart a few days ago when I asked what could I have done, she answered nothing...in other words keep quiet about my feelings and let her move on with her life. I asked her what she would have done if the roles were reversed and there was no answer.