Yeah, good advice. Once again. I doubt that pressure is what is going to bring him around. What gives me some indication that there is hope is a few comments he's made. 1. b4 he actually moved when I initially suggested we could keep seperate residences but not have to break up. He answered, " I don't know right now. I just need to get into my new place and get on with my life and see what I think. I just don't know what to say to that except maybe." 2. after he left I let him go and process for a couple months. I thought this gave some time for his pride to shrink and for him to miss me. then the next several times I saw him, I asked if he'd see me if I called him. He would look very hurt and confused and would shrug or ask why should we get together. I would answer cuz I still love you, I don't know how you feel, but if you love me too we still have a chance to fix this. He never said no. He didn't say yes, but he looked conflicted and borderline ready to cave. He would hold me quite tenderly when I hugged him. 3. when I finally did ask if he wanted to get together, he explaines that no, he figured I would manipulate the situation and take advantage of the fact that he still loves me to weaken his resolve. He's taking care of his business and his son and he's decided he has no luck with women and is giving that idea up. However, he did add something like - down the road I don't know what might happen or how I'll feel about that idea, but now I'm still upset that you chose a cat over me. I think about it every day and frankly I don't know if I can ever forgive that. 4. in july he confessed that if I'd done anything to stop him he wouldn't have left. It's not a far leap then for me to consider that if he had wanted me to fight for him then, what's so different now. If I fight for him now he may see it as the sign he's waited for. So that's 3 times that he mentioned that MAYBE in the future he would consider reconciling. That's quite different than a flat " no I'm moving on" And he admitted he had wanted me to do something to help him back off his ultimatum.
The house situation is so stressful and it feels like a new chapter, particularily if I leave the neighborhood. It seemed like a good time for a final attempt and then give him up and move on if he is still of this mind. New house, new life. But then I would have to be prepared to accept whatever he says. Maybe it's better to continue dbing and see what happens. Or I should say start dbing! I have only taken the tiniest baby steps. I can't say it seems to be working either. But then I don't know what he felt or thought when he last saw me playing the role of a happy fun person and not the miserable broken hearted woman he saw previous to that.
I'm seeing a few apts. again today. I am very hopeful about the one next door. That would be such an easy move. And I could continue to torture my horrid upstairs neighbor from this safe location! Just kidding, I don't do anything wrong that caused him to hate me, besides occupy the apt that he covets.
Today I recieved a letter from the city. They were here to inspect the bldg for my complaints and claimed they left a note attached to the front door asking me to call and reschedule. More evidence that the upstairs neighbor is up to something covert. He had to have removed the notice. If i hadn't gotten the letter an called them today they would have dropped the complaints. So he is interferring on the LL's behalf. Just as I suspected. I've been driven to the point of considering vindictive actions, like opening the moldy freezer in the basement and turning on the HVAC. Even thought about physically planting the mold inside the HVAC or in the bldg vents. I'm not this kind of person, but the situation is clearly getting to me. Feeling positive about the apt. next door. Not too sure about moving to Jersey. Even at the discounted rate, it's going to be more than I spend now between increased transportation expense and that utilities aren't included.
I'm so grateful to have this thread to think & talk too much on. And I so appreciate the helpful input. Everyone is so kind and generous here. I remember that from my last stint on these boards. At least I'm not in infidelity section now. That was brutally painful. I hope to never experience that again.
