Just want my H back

[pearlharbr]

It will do you no good to tell him about changes you're making, in fact it may hurt you. Go back and reread DR. Actions, not words. Don't worry about showing him any changes. If/when he's ready he will take notice. Until you understand that this process is about you and attracting your H back is just a possible bonus you will be riding the emotional roller coaster and floudering.

I'm a good person and I deserve someone that appreciates me.

Absolutely correct.

thinking about how nasty he's been lately makes it easier in some ways to let go, but I also have many wonderful memories. I miss the person H used to be, but he's been a very different person indeed these past 6-8 months.

Reality check: your H is gone. Not only are you physically separated but he is no longer the person you fell in love with and married. Why do you want to waste your life pining over someone who has been treating you like crap?

I'm not saying you can't reconnect and eventually have a great M with your H, but do you feel you can or want to be with the person he is now? Look at it this way: if you just met him now would you want to be with him?

Sorry if that sounds harsh but you need to deal with the reality of your situation. I know how you feel, I post to you because I feel the similarities. I went through all the emotions and angst. But as soon as I realized I would not choose to be with the person BF was at that time and I would be happier doing my own thing I regained control of my life. And it felt good, REALLY good.

Look up gucci loafer's posts and read the advice he gives. Stronger and I don't agree on everything but we do both think you would benefit from following it.