H with 1foot out the door...LONG

[ginab1966]

ok...ok..just ignore me. Stronger is so right. I am not concentrating on myself. I am concentrating on HIM...HIS issues, HIS moods, HIS affect on the marriage. When will I ever learn that I cannot control his behavior and within reason, I cannot focus on him. Truth is that I'm just so scared...and I'm acting scared. I need to stop it immediately. With my H, he can turn on a dime and you are in or you are out. He's said he's willing to try and it's just so wonderful. Then, he withdraws and, because I know him so well, I know that at any minute he can turn to me and say "I just can't do this". But, bottom line is, that's going to happen if it's meant to happen. I can no more control him than I can control the tide. He just keeps telling me to be myself and it'll all be ok. Not to walk on eggshells....which I am doing everyday. I've been asked to go out this weekend but I am thinking of saying no cuz I want to spend time with him...but I have to realize if I leave for a night he's not going to disappear. Boy....I really have some work to do. I have to accept that this is where I am right now and live in it and be greatful. If you send out gratitude and light into the Universe, it comes back to you. I really believe that. Instead, I am sending out fear and negativity. I will do my best to stop this self-sabatoging behavior....ASAP!!!!