She is not only confused, she is scared that the wheels have been set in motion (by her) might lead to what she does not want, but she has no idea what that might be. You are getting the brunt of her emotional turmoil and she cannot decide who to turn to to be her rock and place of safety.
I'm in favor of you "going Dark" or putting some distance between the two of you. You are taking care of the kids, and I have to admire you for doing that. You are beginning to set boundaries and that has her scared, too as she has never experianced that from you before. The equation of your relationship has taken a huge turn and both of you are not dealing well with that.
Being hurt, bitter, and angry is normal, especially since the situation is so fresh, but do not have the hurt and anger drive your thoughts and reactions. If anything, you must be more calm and controlled than ever. That is really hard to do, but you can. Remember that when she pushes your buttons that you do not respond in your usual manner. She wants space, so give it to her. She is might be feeling lonly with you being in your own place right now. That might be another thing making her feel insecure. And that you started a new job so that she cannot watch you 24/7, too. How is that working out, BTW?
We talked alot before about forgiveness. It is too early to expect that from you, but you might get there in time. She has never really forgiven you after all of these years, and that has me puzzelled. (sp) If she cannot forgive you, but you can forgive her, then you are still at square one because you will not have made any progress in working out a solution to your situation. But getting to that point will take time for you to work through the hurt and anger that you have right now.
Are you still going to try for the counseling? Would not hurt either of you.
