A friend pointed out to me that because I reminded him of who my dad was last week, he is CYAing and calling me to tell me its not the immigration status that keeps him married to me, but the fact that he had this car accident and was out of work.
The thing is, I still miss him sometimes. Not who he is now, but who he was when I married him, and this letting go is very hard. Part of me believes he will come to his senses, and no matter how hard I try, I can't shake that feeling.
But the other part realizes that no matter what happens, I will never be able to trust him again. There is no love, no marriage, without trust. I will constantly wonder where he is going, if he is sleeping with someone else.
I loved this man so completely, and for the first time allowed myself to really feel love 100% for someone. And he crapped all over it. I will never be able to forget that.
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
