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Also, how do I deal with my fear, my constant fear, that she is still in touch with this guy? How do I let this stuff go??



You deal with the fear by recognizing what it is....your worst enemy. It's OK to be afraid, you would be subhuman if you weren't feeling fear in this situation. It is not OK to be led by your fear though and that is happening with you. Every action you take comes from the fear you are feeling Brian. Step back and take a look at what you are doing. Can you honestly say that anything you have done since you found out about the fireman has been productive? No!! Cause it's all been driven by the fear. Be afraid, don't fight feeling it but for goodness sake stop giving into it.

I stand by what I told you on the phone. You have to distance yourself from her confusion and chaos. Stop being so available, stop obsessing on this other guy and stop trying to win her back by over doing it. None of that works. You have to give her what she says she wants...space and time to figure herself out.

The day you picked your daughter up and the wife cried and felt some confusion is the only time you have distanced yourself. It's the only time you have not played nice doggie and rolled over. You took your daughter and left her standing in the driveway to deal with her own stuff. It's the only time since this mess started that you have seen a positive response from her. It's the only time she has seemed to question her actions. Give her a little bit more of that behavior. Be considerate, kind and loving but leave her alone.

No one wants what is so readily available to them. By contacting the fireman all you did was make him that much more attractive to her and yourself less attractive. He isn't available to her....kind of like forbid fruit. You are playing right into her confusion. Stop letting all that fear you feel set you up for failure.
Cathy~