If she feels that you are crowding her, she will fight harder to cling to the Fireman. Become more unavailable. See the info on "going Dark." You do not have to be at her beck and call, only do that when the kids are involved, and then know when you are being taken advantage of and back off. It is a fine line to be supportive but not overwhelming in her life right now. I get the feeling that she is looking for the buttons to push to get a reaction from you. That tactic has been working for her and making you miserable.
Do not contact the Fireman! This has backfired on you since she is defending him and he might feel that he must defend her from the "mean old Cloudy." That is a situation that you do not want to force.
As far as going to the lawyers, you are in too much pain right now to make good decisions. Perhaps you need some space for yourself. You need to get away for a weekend with some friends.let her know that you will be unavailable for that weekend so she can plan things for the kids, and go have some fun or downtime, something other than beating your head against the wall. It really helped me to go have fun with some friends and get a different perspectice. I came back stronger and in a much better frame of mind to deal with this crap.
Nopkins has some good points, too. Keep us informed.
