...I help put the girls to sleep and get ready for bed. Not a lot said between W and I. M: "Have a goodnight." W: "You too. Have a goodnight sweetheart."
Finished the story of Tristan before falling asleep. FYI: In the end, he dies of a broken heart.
I don't know if it is my misperception, but she does not look like she is having an easy time with this. After a pause,
W: "So how are you doing?" M: "I'm OK. This whole thing sucks, I'm not going to sugar coat it. But I'm doing OK." - relatively upbeat W: "Yes. It is hard." ...
I walk down after getting ready, MIL had made me some oatmeal (she is very kind). Then on my way out I say bye to everyone: M: "Have a good day." W: "Have a good day sweetheart."
I don't know about you but the "sweetheart" thing is a little too sticky sweet for my taste especially considering the fact that she is pursuing a relationship with the OM, does she call him "sweetheart" too?
Ask her to stop calling you "sweetheart", it shows you're detaching, if she asks why, tell her you're not comfortable with it anymore given the existing circumstances, tell her talking like that adds confusions to this situation and you have a clear head on all of this and want to be confusion free with your actions going forward.
No details on any of this, just leave it like that, even if she asks, tell her you prefer not to talk about it.
It shows you're detaching, it adds mystery to the situation, "what are his plans?" It shows that you are now in control - very important, up to this point, this has all been her decision, she's been calling the shot, she's been in control, now you're taking back control, showing you have some direction in all of this, you're leading your own way, it's very attractive to show control, confidence, leadership (charting your way), etc. Making the decision about the church where your kids would go was a good move, it was YOUR decision. Telling her you're taking the kids to see your dad and telling her you told him about the current situation means you're also in control, the shame/guilt of this situation isn't on you, it's on her, let her deal with that guilt.
As for her not having an easy time with this, I would say GOOD, glad to hear it, it's not your job to make any of this easy on her. Be a great person, be upbeat, be happy, positive mental attitude, throw a monkey wrench into the works, appear super upbeat & happy.
Here's another monkey wrench, on a day that you know she will be home and she expects you home at a certain time, call and tell her or your MIL you will be late, you have some plans after work and to tell the kids goodnight for you if you don't make it back before bedtime. Find something to do, stay out very late - some time of night that would be very out of character for you. Seriously I don't care what you do with your time just make sure you come home late, after midnight if possible. When you're asked where you were, tell her you're an adult and given the current situation it's none of her business anymore and leave it at that, don't be rude just be assertive, you need to appear as if you're moving on - more mystery.
As for that story of Tristan, you won't be dying of a broken heart and if you start db'ing your ass off, you may turn this thing around. And if you don't, you'll be in a better position in your own life to move forward successfully with no regrets - you will get there!
