H with 1foot out the door...LONG

[ginab1966]

We’re still plugging long. Not hot but not cold either. Just this lukewarm friendly sort of relationship. This is a far cry from where we were but it’s light years away from where I would like to see the relationship be. Sometimes I think it’s never going to get to that place. I know I’ve only just begun the repair process but I sometimes wonder if he will ever evolve into the emotional maturity he needs to have to maintain a grown up, loving, partnership. The emotional baggage and mental illness he has just may not allow him. That said, this is my big concern. When I first left him he was suicidal and voluntarily check himself into a treatment facility. He was there a week, diagnosed as bi-polar with depression issues and sent home w/a treatment plan. That treatment plan has never been followed. Not even CLOSE to what the aftercare called for. He was told he needed 2 therapy sessions a week. He may get 3 or 4 in per month…at best. Now, he’s going to go bowling on the only days his counselor can see him. So, hes going to see her once per month. They have also taken him off Abilifi and said he is not bi-polar and the initial diagnosis was incorrect. Since he has stopped taking the Abilifi, I’ve noticed a change in his behavior. He is more sullen, moody, runs hot and cold w/ his emotions for me. Now, this has only been since last Friday but I’m definitely seeing a difference. I always said I would try if he continued to seek help for his issues. Yes, I guess that means that if he changes, things will be better. I also know that you should never expect your mate to change in order to save the marriage. Well, that’s true to some degree. I need him to be more emotionally and mentally stable. When he isn’t well, he is not able to connect w/ me in the way that I need him to.

I know in this rebuilding phase I’m not supposed to talk about our R in any way except for counseling and I’m supposed to not pressure him and just concentrate on myself. I know I can’t “save” him and that’s what I tend to do with my co-dependant nature. However, his behavior does affect our family and our marriage. He needs help, he’s not getting it. We didn’t set this as a boundry other than to say that we would both continue individual therapy as well as marriage counseling. He did say that if he felt he needed more than once per month, he would do it….then added…but I think I’m just fine. It just seems like things are going to go back to just the way they were…before I left…the reason I left in the first place.

How do I handle this and still save my marriage..

G