But I also feel that within our marriage, I really hurt him. I know it sounds ridiculous and the past is the past but IF we were going to look at each other through a "new lens" as I asked him to do with me...I don't know what would have to happen for me to do so.
You say you've read a lot about NPD. Seriously...you can't hurt his feelings. He doesn't have any. You can injure his all consuming ego, but that's not the same thing.
If you really have researched NPD...then I know you've read that it's hard-wired NOT to change.
