back after 10 weeks of recovery and need some help

[Doingitright]

Steady..Sorry for this long windedness….One day it was under her mattress when I was fixing the bed after the kids trashed it...wire was hanging out. Another day it was in one of her drawers when I was putting away the clothes I folded. It was a charger to a Virgin mobile pay as you go phone that was supposed to have been given away. The charger stayed in a drawer for about 2 months after she “gave it away”. It now has been moving around since her move to the extra bedroom.

On the OM it is based on what I saw in her behaviors during the EA. On vacation recently she was constantly making excuses to go back to the room by herself or get there before the rest of the family. This was the case during the EA, always having to go where no one in the family was present.

When home W does the same thing...goes to other rooms and then reappears. Shuts all the doors to her room and locks them at night. Never done this before and no else was allowed to sleep with the doors closed. Does not allow the kids in her room . Freaks out when I go upstairs for any reason. Wants to get whatever I need for me instead of me getting it.

she goes out with friends and always drives. She then comes home very late according to her telling me what time she got home. She volunteers the next day as I do not wait up. But her friends mention they got home at X time which is different from my W’s time. This was her MO that she admitted to when we discussed the EA. She would leave friends houses or functions early and chat with the OM for about an hour before coming home. That EA was long distance.

But now I think it is a local OM. Her actions fit right into PA. She has been dropping the kids at friends houses saying she had to run errands and then comes home with nothing to show for the errand. She is very emotional before she goes out. She panics if everything isn’t going on time. She does not do that with anything else. W “if we are late it is OK they can wait for us”. When the plans she tells me do not come to happen she still jambs the plans through…friend A can’t make it and friend B can’t leave for 2 more hours which would make it a very late night…still jambs it in. The friend stories don’t jive with W’s…they always talk about their night out and how the husbands should do the same, when I come to get the kids from a play date or go to function. I never ask it is always volunteered.

She always does a disappearing act before she leaves in which she is calling OM (theory) to make arrangements for him to meet. W if always overly nice to me before she goes out. She is always dressed to the 9’s (overly sexy ..super short skirt and plunged neckline blouse when friends are in tee shirts and shorts and jeans) even if they are going out for a few appetizers for 2 hours. She always buys sexy new underwear or skirt or blouse prior to going out and wears them. Always has an excuse why she did not tell me when she first learned of the possibility of an outing…case last night made arrangements on Monday with other girls but told me yesterday at 4 PM. Just forgot to tell me, slipped her mind. Always that way. I hate to the theorist but it is pointing that way.

W made a comment when we were going to MC that she did not have to travel to X state to have sex with EA she had plenty of people in our town that wanted to have sex with her. She also said I deserved someone better than her and broke down crying. Prior to that W admitted to an PA before we got together with her married boss. 1st I heard of it in the 17 years I have known my wife. If I had known, I truly wouldn’t have gone out with her. Just not something I tolerate or approve of and I saw that with my parents and how it destroyed their marriage.

I am getting sick of carrying her financially.. period. It is getting more so especially when it is for OM benefit. When I mention the finances she has an anxiety attack or says I am being controlling. Just pisses me off. On the other side of this it does make it easier to detach. This is what brought it to a head last time. I just hit my limit of bull$hit and said I am done. OM in EA can take care of you. If I think too much I would say that is what she wants in this case…to push me to throw down so I am the bad guy b/c she can’t pull the trigger. I pulled the trigger 4 months ago and she stopped me and said we need to get help and went to MC. EA stopped or so I was led to believe and things got so much better. She then pulled back all of a sudden from MC and said R isn’t worth it. It would be a mediocre marriage at best in the future (those crystal balls seem to work pretty good for WAW, if only it could see the stock market in the furture). This time the D train won’t be stopping it will make it to the intended destination.

It is too bad as I actually think I have seen glimmers, calling and emailing me as I stopped calling and emailing W. Starting conversations and actually talking to me. Bringing me into the loop with what was happening with a few of our friends. Hadn’t happened in weeks. W said she wouldn’t share those things with me anymore as it would give me false hope that we could make this work out. Carrying on with small talk when we usually sat there in silence. Asking how I am doing. Giving hugs with kisses. I have been trying not to read into it. It is what it is…simple little things that a normal person would expect from another normal person in a basic friendship.