I hate to say this, especially because I don't want to make Cloud anymore paranoid than he is...
But I have to say that something doesn't feel right for me with all of this. Cloud, I think the gals here are giving you some good advice. But you seem to be acting in a tad bit desperate fashion. Get a grip on your emotions, and don't hold so tightly to your wife. You are NOT sinking, and she is NOT your life perserver. After tonight, I'd back off some, and do not instigate contact with her for the next few days. See if she calls you... and don't be hanging out at the house, spying on her. You're going to drive yourself nuts.
I'd continue to work on things, but I'd hang back a little, because again, something just doesn't seem kosher here...
AND YOU ARE NOT LONELY. You are feeling less that confident, and you are doubting yourself at every turn. Knock it off... embrace the space you have and do some thinking, or do some writing, or listen to some music, do some mediatating... but focus on you and all of your personal assets... do NOT sit in that damn apt. of yours and listen to the silence. Got that?
