I guess I wish I knew if he meant any of those things. I wish I knew if he really trying to decide something or just trying to work through it.
He was late picking getting home last night so I had to take the kids to work with me. When he came to get them he was just a jerk. Barely talking, when I asked why he didn't let me know he was late or answer the phone he shrugged. When I got home from work, the house was trashed, the kids hadn't eaten and they were running around while he was in the bedroom.
I didn't R talk, but I told him that he needed to stop leaving me hanging on the way home, that even D7 has noticed that his not reliable anymore, and he is not allowed to treat me this way. I am trying to learn to give him space and I do not deserve to be treated like this. I told him I love him and want our family, but he needs to realize that whatever he's going through is hurting all of us. He said ok and seemed to make an effort to improve.
I see he's still not in contact with her and he's still here. Those are good things.
Does anyone have thoughts about possible feelings? Could he rally be wondering if he loves me and wants his family? Could he simply be struggling with guilt, shame, and remorse?
Thank you all for your comforting words and kicks in the butt.
Well, you said you are thankful for a kick in the butt, well here it is.
Everytime you bitch at him, or tell him that you do not deserve to be treated like this, you are putting another nail in the coffin that is your marriage. Everytime you tell him that that he is the one that is hurting the whole family, another shovel of dirt is filled on the grave that your marriage is becomming. YOU ARE DOING THIS, NOT HIM!
EVERYTIME HE HEARS YOU COMPLAIN, it makes him think of how he could get to that reunion without you being there.
Did your bitching work, did it make everything better, did he seem closer to you afterwards.
Next time, just be pleasant and upbeat, pretend he is an aquantance so you will be nice to him. Then after you leave you can bitch all you want to us and to yourself how much of a slob he is.
HE IS HURTING, and you are hurting him more. He has to figure this out on his own, just like my wife did. I did what you did, but the only time I got results is when I worked on myself and let her alone to figure it all out.
She even came to me apologizing after I let her alone for about a week that she was sorry she had been in such a bad place but she had to figure things out for herself before she could work on us. After a few months, we started to work on us. Now everthing is wonderful, and I am better for it.
Hope this helps. You want advice, now damn it use it.
