Once I was lost, but now I'm....still lost?

[upside_downer]

Thank you everyone for the kind words. Sara and I did last as a married couple, and I've come to understand many reasons why through her death - she was sick. She needed help that I couldn't give to her, and for that, I don't blame myself. I do have guilt because I never was able to properly say goodbye. The last time we spoke, it was civil, and I told her I still think about her, but I didn't really get to speak to her the way I wish I could have. Her decision was personal, and her own, but I really feel that, with or without me, she made the world shine a lot brighter. I feel the world has lost one of its' real stars and she will be missed by many.

As for me, I'm not really sure where to go from here. I was doing a lot better with dating and have moved on from the failure that was our marriage, but this brings back hurt from a depth I was not expecting. I'm not sure what others in her family or my family think, but I cried all day yesterday and couldn't sleep, and cried more this morning. I almost feel guilty for being this way considering she was my XW and she kind of had a BF, but I still feel that eternal connection with her now. I've already thought of counseling, as I'm feeling really numb and not sure how to deal with this agony I am feeling.

I'm sorry this is off-topic from divorce, but I envy each and every one of you that still has the chance to put your differences aside and still show that other person in whatever way you can that you love them. I would give anything to have Sara back for just one moment to tell her that I will always love her, no matter what.

Again, thanks for the kind words. Please remember it's never too late to tell someone you love them.